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  • tarot
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11 Oct 07 #4619 by tarot
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It will soon be Christmas and im sure that there will be alot of people in my situation.
Any advice would be welcome.....

My x and i are very amicable with regards to the children (b13, g8). He sees them every weekend (friday till sunday).
He had them for xmas eve, xmas morning last year, they came home about lunchtime. I had them NY eve/Ny day.
We have always let the kids lead us as to how much time they spend with their dad but my x has asked to have them this year but wants them from Saturday 22nd Dec throu to New Year Eve (day) and i have them Boxing Day. Thats it, just one day!!!!!!!:(

The problem is, i feel like he's taking them away from me although i dont think its being done on purpose. Its just how many other mums sees their kids for 1 day over the xmas period.(and they live with me!!)
I want to see them more and when i questioned it, he said "well you did say, you would do what ever the kids wanted", which is true, but now i feel like im slowely losing them.

What do i do/say. Its not my x's fault, he's a brill dad and the kids want for nothing when they are with him (maybe thats it!! lol). I want the kids to see their dad as they adore him and vice versa but now i wish i had kept my mouth shut.

  • markp
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11 Oct 07 #4623 by markp
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if you are very amicable would it be possible for you all to spend xmas day together and you have them boxing day and let him have the other days. This might help the kids to really enjoy christmas rather then worry about the parent thats absent

  • gooner
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11 Oct 07 #4624 by gooner
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i can understand how you feel but look at it from your ex"s side as i am in the same position as your ex.

me and my ex parted 6 years ago i have a 17ry old daughter (lives with my ex) i see her as much as i can work permmiting as she lives miles away. i have the same problem at christmas time every year!! it was aggreed every other xmas and new year but it changes every year plus as she lives with my ex i dont think it is fair on christmas time that she should spend every xmas time with my ex. i suppose your ex feels the same but it is hard at that time of year for all concerned and it dont get any easier as time go"s on.

hope you can sort it out for the sake of your children
take care and good luck.

  • Sera
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11 Oct 07 #4626 by Sera
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I divorced in 1999 (first divorce!) and our son was ten.

When he wasn't with me, I would be like a parent bereft! (I was in and out of his room, sniffing his pyjamas, as if he'd died!) You need to understand that the kids are only gone for a few days, and they are with a good person that loves them.

Ideal situation is for you to go to him, for everyones sake. Maybe just for a couple of days. You'll have to learn the transitional period of switching off from being 'mum', and finding your own entertainment, and being yourself.
It's tough, you're single, Xmas is hard! But enjoy the break, see if you can get together with others for an adult time. (Maybe a few days away). The kids grow up, they'll be close, (my sons very close to me, now 18) and he's been mainly parented with his dad.

They know you're there for them, but keep a grip, it is only a few days. Not our maternal instinct I know... (I used to ring his dads and checked what he had for dinner, did he have a clean shirt for school... had he cleaned his teeth)... etc.
Then I learned to shut his bedroom door, clear his toys away, and enjoy myself, in my own right, whilst he was safe and happy with his dad.

Bottle of Red, and Morcombe and Wise re-runs!

This is the sad fact of divorce. Split families.

  • madaboutcars
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11 Oct 07 #4627 by madaboutcars
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yes, like you Sera, I have spent many a hour sitting on their beds, thinking about what they are doing, are they thinking about me etc and last Chrismas morning, i spent the whole time in tears.
I truly want whats best for them and in an ideal world, we could all spend Xmas day together but my x has a new partner (and 2 kids) and although there are no issues between us, i dont think she would be too pleased if i asked to spend the day with my x. To be fair, i also have a partner who has a very close family but it makes it all the harder when we are all together (my partners daughter is 3) and my childen are not there.
But to look on the other side of things at least we are not arguing and screaming as to who is having the kids at xmas.
Sorry everyone, just a sad moment i suppose :(

  • tarot
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11 Oct 07 #4628 by tarot
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sorry about the last message, logged on as my partners user name and not mine oops:woohoo:

  • Louise11
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11 Oct 07 #4631 by Louise11
Reply from Louise11

How about TWO christmas's???????? You do Christmas the week before? The presents, the tree, the christmas dinner? Make it a real special time. I understand how you feel that you are losing them but hey that really is not the truth. The truth is that they live with you, you have them all year round!
I think its great that you are both amicable where the kids are concerned.
I have a feeling that the truth is that you will feel lonely at Christmas and therein lies the problem.
Why dont you book yourself a nice holiday, get away from it all? As a christmas treat to yourself? After all Christmas, is actually only another day these days. Make the "Christmas day" that you do for the kids extra special, one that would be hard for them and you to forget!

Kind ones

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