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Dealing with x over issues with kids

  • SummerSun
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20 Oct 07 #5021 by SummerSun
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I'm finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my ex about the kids. We have such different ideas on parenting and the gap seems to get bigger every day. It stresses me out completely as she is very controlling and tries to control their time when with me.

Has anyone got any tips?

  • apm
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20 Oct 07 #5053 by apm
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You may have already tried this so forgive me if I'm stating the obvious.

Have you discussed the differences with you X? And I mean really dscussed and tried to understand why the differences exist? Maybe there is common ground somewhere that you just don't see.

If you have tried and do understand the differences and the 'why' aspect of her approach and still can't come up with agreement, can you try to agree to disagree on the aspects or is her approach so unreasonable that it's just not workable?

Whatever the answers, try and focus on the kids and do what is best for them. And that may mean taking a losing the battle but winning the war type approach.

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21 Oct 07 #5074 by SummerSun
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Thanks apm - yes tried this approach when we first split but it didn't work. We have such different ideas about how to bring kids up.

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21 Oct 07 #5079 by apm
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Not sure what to suggest then. Maybe an independant third party?

If you really can't agree to disagree I don't know what to suggest.

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22 Oct 07 #5087 by Fiona
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The aim needs to be for low conflict with divorced/separated parents communicating effectively. Failing this the next best option is parents disengaging from each other to minimise communication and conflict, whilst allowing each other to parent to the best of their ability in 'their' time. The worst possible scenario for children is a high level of ongoing parental conflict.

Often arrangements change over time, so a conflict situation can be diffused by parents disengaging from each other. Eventually (after a year or so) when the chaos settles parents sometimes manage to establish co-operation.

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22 Oct 07 #5101 by flower2
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i think that is very sensible, i cant talk with my ex to be, he has changed from the parent he was. I also believe when we are beyond all of this we may be able to communicate in a better way. Right now its not fair on the kids to see us argue. My kids see for themselves silly things their father does and that is very gratifying, hopefully you will be encouraged by yours.

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22 Oct 07 #5105 by slipshod
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I used to go to my S2BX house every saturday to pick up our child and 75% of the time she would stand on the doorstep shouting at me in front of our child and then slam the door in my face. The stress this was causing our child was plain to see and I was wondering if I should stop going there for her sake. Instead I made a contact application to the court. The court appointed CAFCASS who interviewed us both and made a report in my favour which has improved things no end. Sometimes it is just not possible to sort things out yourself and it needs a 3rd party to intervene. John

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