Hi, I haven't asked for help before but I don't know what I can do. Will try to be brief.
Separated from ex 2 years ago, he left the country for over a year, had little to do with kids, didn't phone often (once nearly 2 months before I could track him down so they could speak to him), messed around with visits, not turning up, changing his mind a couple days before etc. Then he came back to UK this year to live with new g/f, filed for divorce, and has been horrendous since at every opportunity.
He took me to Court claiming I was making it difficult for him to see the children and refusing to allow them to visit him at his g/f's house for longer visits (filed this a few days after they had stayed there with him for a second time within a few months, agreed between us). Went to Court, Cafcass report ordered because of his behaviour during and after our Cafcass mediation
meeting. Unfortunately, Cafcass report was very bad and brief, did not really show cause for concern, but Judge ordered report nonetheless. Went for separate Cafcass meetings, and with children, Cafcass officer obviously saw it all as a waste of time, because I HAD NOT prevented him from seeing kids etc. Was not interested in my concerns about ex's mental state and way he was treating the children during visits (nothing physical, all brainwashing, trying to make them his messenger, telling them to keep secrets such as being taken out of bed at night to watch American Football, despite being ill and needing sleep etc.), or his history of road-rage and violent actions (and the visits mean they have to be on the road for 6-7 hours each way). Went back to Court, Judge angry at having his time wasted after reading more detailed Cafcass report, I still agreed to him visiting at weekends, expressed concerns about longer visits to solicitor still but he was all for settling, so some visits were agreed.
They have been to visit him again, came back saying 'Daddy says he's just trying to be friends with you, mummy', not knowing their dad refused to let me talk to them on the phone, even though it had been agreed in front of both solicitors, has been leaving me voicemails in a threatening tone of me being 'in violation' of the court order because he phoned them and reception on the phone was bad where we were, and because he phoned another time and the phone was engaged for 2 minutes (I'd answered, expecting him, got the other person off the phone, he left 2 messages in that time! Was saying 'not sure what you're doing to the children', implying I am harming them or something).
At the same time, he is messing aorund on the financial side as well, took me to court, agreed settlement at court, signed and handed in hand-written copy of agreement, his solicitor then was meant to send typed Consent Order
, has added in things not even brought up at Court, including claim to belongings of is that I don't even have. I have e-mailed and texted him to try and sort out, he is now insisting he has seen these things at my house but I know that's not possible, as they have never been at this house!
It's hard to convey in only this, but I think his mental state is deteriorating, I lose sleep over things he says in his messages and the fact I can think a part of the divorce is done and it gets dragged on again with more lies. His solicitor must rub her hands with glee when he turns up - she has no interest in encouraging him to talk to me or to sort things out, she even told me she thinks my children are irrelevant when it comes to finances! (He has not worked since feb as far as I know and paid nothing when he was abroad earning about $12K a month (net) with no bills to pay as he had accom. provided, expenses paid etc.) I'm not fussed on the financial side, he never did pay anything, don't expect he ever will, I just want the stress of that to be over, not dragging on. So that, plus all the stuff about the children and his actions and treatment of them make me concerned about his influence on them and the possibility of him flying off the handle when they are with him, as well as his 'brainwashing', which is having an effect on them every time they have to see him. I want them to know their dad, as it will be important for them one day, but I feel I have no say in or control over what and when is right for them. I would prefer him just to visit them for weekends, then they are nearby if anything happens and there is less chance of them being in a road-rage thing with him, as he will mostly be on the road on his own, not with them. What do I do to get some control back as a parent who DOES try to do the right thing for her children? I have tried reasoning with him, but he laughs at me, as he knows this is how to get at me - use the children. Sorry for going on so long, but can anyone help or offer some words of advice? Thanks.