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am i contributing to his lack of contact?

  • speedie
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11 Nov 07 #6374 by speedie
Topic started by speedie
im actually worried that i may be contributing to the lack of contact. there have been no calls, no emails
and 1 text asking for the house number ( which hasnt changed since x2b left) so he could call the children that evening,( there's been nothing since)


i have told him that he is allowed to see the children whenever he likes but his whore is to have nothing to do with the kids untill i am happy they r together for the long run. im not sure why i have said this, or whether i am within my rights to say this. he says this is the reason he doesnt see the kids because he beleives that the whore is his life and the kids should be part of that,although he obviously doesnt call her the whore lol, he feels he shouldnt have to live a double life. am i being bitter? should i allow our children to form a relationship with their future step mum? am i being unreasonable? selfish? im not saying they can never see her as with them getting married as soon as we are divorced, i know they will have rights.

my plan at the moment is to wait for the mediation as i don't see that we are going to be able to agree together, as we cant even have a conversation without it turning into an arguement, and insults r thrown both ways. then i will suggest that he has the children from 9-6 tuesdays and wednesdays, our daughter attends nursery from 1 till 3-30 which is why ive said such long hours. i believe that the weekends should be mine because, i have to work daytime hours so the children can use the childcare service. ( b4 x2b left i was working evenings so we didnt have to use childcare as neither of us believed it was what we wanted for the children, now i have no choice) so the weekends are really the only decent time i get to spend with them. is this a selfish approach ?

he doesnt work tuesdays and wednesdays so he has both days free to be with them all day. i dont beleive overnight stays are safe right now as they smoke in the back bedroom of the house,( i do smoke but never ever in the house) they also have pets and she isnt the most houseproud woman iv ever seen. is this selfish?

  • sexysadie
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11 Nov 07 #6389 by sexysadie
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Hi Speedie,

You sound very hurt, and justifiably so, but I think you do need to ease up a bit. If your husband is going to marry his new partner as soon as you are divorced, then this is a serious relationship and your children do need to get to know the woman who is going to be their new stepmother, and probably sooner rather than later as it would be better if they knew her before the wedding rather than after. You probably also need to brace yourself for them wanting to be part of the wedding itself - again, it will be better for them if they are.

I also think that you should move towards letting the children stay overnight with their dad. Alternate Tuesday nights would be one possibility. I am sure you will find this hard to start with, but in the long run it will give you a break and a night on which you can go out without having to pay a babysitter.

Best wishes,

Sadie

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