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Obligation to see kids/change of mind on access

  • stonehouse
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12 Nov 07 #6479 by stonehouse
Topic started by stonehouse
does anyone know if there is any legal OBLIGATION to have contact with the chidren after parting, and can one change one's mind about wanting access?

Sadly my wife of 3 years is about to leave and take our lovely 13month old daughter with her. Way I feel right now is that it will be way too painful for me just to have formal 'access' to her and not have her at home with me. unsure what's best for baby at this stage although i know she gets stressed by the difficult hellos and goodbyes we have at present, and she has a worried look when she sees daddy crying.
i'm sure given time i will feel that i want to see her as much as poss or that i'll feel its good for her, but will i be able to insist on 'access' at a later stage having given it up as too painful early-on?

  • Camberwick green
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12 Nov 07 #6483 by Camberwick green
Reply from Camberwick green
Please give yourself time to adjust, she may be the only constant in your life and having little or no contact would be devastating for her and yourself, whether or not the decision could be reversed or not, it could also look like sour grapes to your x2b and she could use your too-ing and fro-ing against you at a later date saying you are not consistent, hang in there your little one needs you.

Sorry i can offer no formal advise x

  • loobyloo
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12 Nov 07 #6491 by loobyloo
Reply from loobyloo
It appears your a very decent and loving ded. My kids dad ignores them and im sure its not due to personal pain and emotional suffering.. hes just a bad man... so called proffesional .. hah
Please please see your daughter do not fall suit it will be held against you... she is young and wont really understand.
From a very loving mum whos heart aches over the kids not seeing thier dad.... dont do it to you or little girl
be strong enjoy her and watch her blossom ..she is your daughter forever ,whatever

  • Fiona
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12 Nov 07 #6492 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
I think fathers finding contact difficult to negotiate or too painful, and withdrawing is not uncommon. To answer the question, yes, it is possible to restart contact and build it up gradually. In development terms it's quite normal for some children of your daughter's age to have separation anxiety and show some distress at the point of leaving, but settle after about 10 or 15 minutes. For children as young as this frequent short periods of contact are generally recommended.

The one thing I would say is that your daughter will soon be at an age where constantly being with an 'in tune' parent can be too intense and not particularly healthy so the role of the second parent to form a bridge between the primary carer, the rest of the family, friends and eventually the rest of society can be crucial for development.

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