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getting custody and house during a divorce

  • banana4
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15 Nov 07 #6734 by banana4
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hi everyone
im new to this board and will appreciate your knowledge in this issue. I am contemplating a divorce from my husband who has always been physically abusive (as well as verbal and mental) and controlling. I have 17 month old daughter, and we own a house together. what im worried about is this: my husband can be very vicious, and I know he will not take this divorce announcement well. I want to know what are my chances of getting full custody of my daughter, with him having full visitation rights? He has been arrested once for assaulting me, (he threw a flask at me while holding my daughter amongst other things). Even after this happened, (he moved out) but came over the next week, picked a fight, then next thing I knew he took my daughter from the house, came back without her and started threatening that I would never see her again. I think its that thing he did that made me realise that I had to end this marriage, as his behavour was getting so crazy.
We own a house, but tied to a five year term. I could buy him out, but I know he will never sign his half of the house over to me willingly (even though I can afford to pay it). Has anybody any advice on this? Thanks for your help

  • Fiona
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15 Nov 07 #6760 by Fiona
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Um.. It's not uncommon for anger to feature in divorce but the fact he's taken your daughter and threatened you would never see her again to get his own way is worrying. Do you know where he left her? Safety is the priority and if you are really concerned you need to remove yourself and the child out of harms way first and then resolve the issues of the house and residency/contact. Is there someone who will let you stay with them whilst you seek legal advice and help from your GP/social services?

When it comes to the final settlement all the financial circumstances are considered and the priority will be ensuring your daughter is adequately housed with as little disruption as possible. Court can order the house is transferred. Usually courts will support contact unless there are exceptional circumstances, but if there is a residency/contact hearing there will be a reports and the judge will base their decision on your daughter's welfare.

  • tuvalu
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15 Nov 07 #6775 by tuvalu
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I am no expert here, and maybe this is not correct, but if he is as bad as you say he is then use your local services ie womens refuge, the help is there if you need to seek it. you and your child would be removed from the situation and the courts would surely view this as a violent situation, and not one to bring up a child in other words i think it would blow his chances of getting custody, the childs safety being the highest priority of them all. As for the mortgage payments both of you have the obligation if in both names, but you could tell the building society the situation, how much equity do you have would it be such a great loss. Any tied in mortgages can be resolved, you just have to pay more for early redemption. If i am wrong please can more experienced members let you know

and good luck, its better to go now then later, that has been my problem

  • tigstheterror
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19 Nov 07 #7060 by tigstheterror
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Hi there you need to get to your local citizens advice and pronto! they will help you to deciding what the next step has to be. Unfortunately if your husband took your daughter again all the police would say is without a custody order they cannot remove her from a legal parent. Don't let him get a joint residency order whatever you do, fight it, if violence is involved you can deny him this. My own experience was that once i saw a solicitor we went to court for the custody order and he snatched my daughter while we were waiting a court date! I had to wait 3 months for it to go to court for me to get her back.
Although my marraige was very violent they allowed access, which i fought for 4 yrs to maintain, strange as it seems he was their father and so i respected that right and said he could have weekly w/end contact,he unfortunately walked away from them and hasn't seen them in over 15 yrs.
I would strongly suggest you get a restraining order on him once you have managed to get him out of the house,again advice needed here as to how to go about that,we didn't own our property so i had no issues there,and i know you can get the court welfare people involved to help out with contact issues due to his violence, i also did this and i found them invaluable.
Please seek advice if you don't want to leave your home,if you wish to leave to stop the violence then as previous poster said, go to a refuge, but get legal advice on your share of the house. Some solicitors do a half hour free surgery to give you the best advice and help you with which way to go forward, i wish you every luck in this as i know how it feels, take care,Tigs :kiss:

  • banana4
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20 Nov 07 #7103 by banana4
Reply from banana4
thanks very much to everyone who has posted. tigs your email was very helpful as you have been through a similar experience. Its weird its like waking up from a bad dream- I dont understand why i put up with him for so long. Maybe he was good in other ways, and when you live with violence you seem to readjust your psyche and justify their actions, its so sick.Even looking at him now, sometimes i cant believe he has done these things, makes me so sad. I will go to citizens advice bureau and will also get a solicitor, as he isnt the type who will give up without a fight, things will get very ugly.At the moment we are in the same house, im not interacting with him, and my mum is also around, which is good. he gets violent when you argue with him, so now i keep the interaction to a bare minimum. He came to me this weekend and said he was sorry, blah blah. I said to myself can sorry make up for 6 years of violent, aggressive behaviour? But stupidly on some levels I feel sorry for him!
I will update you once I have sought legal advice. I will go for full custody.

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