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What is the ideal amount of contact?

  • Specialdad
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16 Nov 07 #6791 by Specialdad
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Has anybody any views on what is the ideal amount of contact one should have with your children?

My daughter is 12 and my son is 14. They live 80 miles away but I visit where they live on business once a week.

Also what do I do about school hols? should one of them spend time with me at a time or should they both come to stay with me and for how long?

What rights have grandparents got to see the kids? My parents have not seen my kids for 6 months and miss them a lot.

  • Camberwick green
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16 Nov 07 #6792 by Camberwick green
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I would say whatever is good for all parties, esp the children, and at their ages i think they should be able to say when and how long, if they are not given this opportunity they may become resentful. I do believe the courts take their opinions into account from around 12 years of age.

Let them lead the way but be open about how much you are willing to give

  • loobyloo
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16 Nov 07 #6797 by loobyloo
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Well if you have read any of my posts you will know this is a very sore subject in my camp.
I left in june with kids as he refused to move out. Since we left he saw them in july and took them on holiday in aug but dumped them on family(went to hk where his family are)and spent no time with them.
He has neither phoned or made contact with me or kids.
Didnt even phone on daughters 10th birthday!!!! He emailed out of blue asking could he have them 1st weekend in oct but it was daughters party(which he was invited to. He then tried again for november and i asked him to phone kids direct and ask them (bearing in mind i bought them both mobiles and he has numbers so no need to go through me)..but to date not a dicky bird. I email sent school pics and try to phone every day.. never answers phone or replies to email or aknowledged photo.
So any man wanting to see kids should be given the right to do so as and when. Judge tolod me whilst they can restrict access they cant enforce it.
Its in my oppiniion a crime to ignore your kids and although x2b g.p i think hes a bloody low life
I hope you sort something out and tell your x from me she is lucky that you are bothered about kids and she would be well p....d off if you didnt
all the best to you regards looby

  • tarot
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16 Nov 07 #6834 by tarot
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Hi Specialdad

My children are boy-13, girl-7. Their dad lives 100 miles away and he collects them every Friday and brings them back Sunday.
My Son goes every week religiously as they are both season tickets holders for a priemiership club. My daughter then generally stays with his girlfriend but sometimes she doesnt go if they are going to football and she does get upset that daddy spends more time with brother.
I think its taking a toll, him collecting them every weekend but my son would be devestated if he changed contact to every other weekend.
As my daughter gets older, i think she will visit less and less but we (my x2b and i) have always let them chose.
School holidays - are shared, i.e. my husband is taking them to usa for easter hols, and having a week off this chritmas to have them at his, again its a joint effort but my x2b is a brill dad and thats one thing i can say about him, his kids definetly come first!!

  • sexysadie
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16 Nov 07 #6843 by sexysadie
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To go back to the original post, I think it would probably be better for your children to visit together, at least most of the time. They find it a bit intense being the only one with a parent for any length of time. It will also mean that you can have more time with them because you won't need to take time off work to see each one. Your ex might also thank you for it as it will give her some time off, or at least give her fewer holiday childcare headaches.

Sadie

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16 Nov 07 #6844 by Specialdad
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Many thanks for tips much appreciated

  • Camberwick green
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16 Nov 07 #6849 by Camberwick green
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Sadie, you are full of good advice.

My x-husband never paid maintenance and i knew he never would so giving him access also meant that he at least had to feed them for me a few times a week!

There is also definitely the welcome relief of the break although my Son is a nightmare when he has been on contact, so its 6 of one and half dozen of the other really! For me anyway.

Taking the children when she has to work means more quality time for you and your kids and less outgoings for her.

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