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Rights to see my child

  • Harre
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26 Nov 07 #7708 by Harre
Topic started by Harre
It looks like me and my wife are splitting up after only 1,5 years. We have a 2 month old baby girl and I have no idea what a divorce would mean regarding her.

My wife is telling me she will always allow me to see her but I didn't bring this lovely little girl to life just to be an item in the perifery that she gets to see briefly for an hour or two. I want to be part of her life from the beginning and will make sure I live near enough to be able to take care of her day to day.

I suggested that perhaps we could come to an agreement whereby I get her 1 night during the week and a full day and night during the weekend. Is that outrageous or expecting too much, 2 days out of 7? We are both professionals and my wife is returning to work in a month or so.

Any ideas guys what to expect? Is it a weekend every once in a while or is it a 50/50 split I'm looking at here?

  • Fiona
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26 Nov 07 #7720 by Fiona
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Your child has rights to see you and with babies of this age it's advisable for developmental reasons to have little but often parenting time (for want of a better expression] say an hour or so several times a week. As the baby grows older the time may become less frequent for longer periods, including an overnight stay regularly at around 18 months, and gradually building up. 50:50 shared care can work well between the ages of about 6-12 years.

  • Camberwick green
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26 Nov 07 #7724 by Camberwick green
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Hi there, I am so sorry for your marriage ending so soon after the birth of your baby girl.

I don’t think you are being outrageous.

My children were 4 and 5 when I split from their father, I let him have 24 hours over sat-sun every weekend and 2 nights after school, but this was a little too much for them being so young and just starting school so we had to come to an arrangement whereby he got longer at weekends, which worked but I got little ‘special’ time with them unless I ASKED for it!!!

Its all down to give and take, your Wife may feel insecure about you having a lot of contact with her being so young, a mother’s instincts are very heightened just after birth, just be prepared for constant small changes until you both feel comfortable with the contact arrangements.

You could always put it in the way that she needs rest too and you looking after your little girl would give her some well deserved ‘me’ time at the same time giving you well deserved bonding time.

Please try very hard to resolve these issues out of court, I am not sure how they would view such a young childs interests.

  • Pickle
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26 Nov 07 #7726 by Pickle
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It's great that like most dad's you want to be involved in your child's life. It's even better that it sounds as though the child's mother is going to be reasonable about access.

It's horrible when supposed grown ups use the children as an emotional beating stick. It's not good for the parent being beaten and it's certainly not good for the child.

As someone has aleady said, your child is a little young for stop overs so you may have to be content with a few hours here and there in the short term, but as the child develops there should be no reason that weekend/overnight access shouldn't take place.

Good luck :)

  • Specialdad
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26 Nov 07 #7730 by Specialdad
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I agree with you Pickle. Too many ppl lose the plot and use kids instead of being mature and putting them first.

Children have one opportunity to get a good education and upbringing without adults fighting over who should get the kitchen table!!

If you cant be a good parent have yourself sterilised should the new saying. ;)

  • Camberwick green
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26 Nov 07 #7734 by Camberwick green
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only one problem with that SD they can get it reversed as my x is doing… all cause his wifes Son is 15 and leaving school soon.. No school = no money!!!!!!

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