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Father that would like to keep custody of son

  • Skippy
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05 Dec 07 #8481 by Skippy
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Hello, I am a father of one who desperatley loves his wife and child. My wife is going through something depression, or something(I dont honestly know what sparked it, feels like affair) but she is pushing me away and i am afarid it may lead to divorce. If this happens what is the best way to try and gain custody of son, is there any hope??? I am a great father, her own family says so, she is a good mother that has serious issues in dealing with son, not a good bond.

  • tigstheterror
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05 Dec 07 #8483 by tigstheterror
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Skippy it may not be seen to be of much use but you need legal advice a.s.a.p. Stay in the former matrimonial home either way,don't leave,get a residency order to protect your interests,don't be dissuaded from this,it'll be of great help. Then take things from there,if you look in your local Citizens advice they will have a list of solicitors who do a half hour free interview to see whats best to help you,book an appointment nearest to you as soon as.
Hope this helps,above all, stand your ground and never be swayed,take good care,Tigs x

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05 Dec 07 #8486 by Skippy
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can these things be done without her finding out? If she comes around and things work out I wouldnt want this to come out. I dont know if I should start looking into these options yet as I am hoping that she will come around, as I said Im not sure what the problems are. I have saved multiple text(s) from her stating she wants to top herslf, and she is depressed, and she regrets having children. I think it is because of her relationship with her son that things are turning so bad. she blames my genetics for his eating/sleeping/behaviour, she dosent see that it may be her ability to cope with him. I dont want to loose her but if she is pushing me there is very little that I can do.

  • Gilly
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05 Dec 07 #8489 by Gilly
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Hi, how old is your son? I'm no doctor but there is the possibility that your wife is suffering from severe post natal depresson.. I suggest you talk to her parents and find out their thoughts, as they must have noticed the changes also. If it looks like this is the case then you need to be as supportive as possible and persuade her to seek medical help. With the lack of bonding you've mentioned it is a distinct possibility..

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05 Dec 07 #8492 by Skippy
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The boy is 2.5 now. he has been difficult such as he has not slept through the night, and he is awake at 0530 everyday, he does not eat well, and he is very active he dosent like to sit still AT ALL. My wife has blames his behaviour and the way he is on me, as I was similar as a child. The problem is that everyone else can deal/handle him including myself, and I think she see herself as a bit of a failure because of this. I wont go into her parenting abilitys, but she loves him and has been good to him, yet he pushes her buttons because she lets him and because she cant handle stress very well. I have been very supportive and continue to be, but she keeps pushing me away. she states that she not attracted to me anymore because she is resents me for the way our son is. you is also afarid of having another child with me as she thinks the next one could be just like our son now. She is going to see a shrink soon to try and sort her issues out. she says she doesnt want to break up the family but she doesnt know how to get back in love with me. I have always been a good provider, loyal husband, and great father, and she acknowledges all these things. I am just concerned that if things do go bad that the boy will not get the what he needs as she has issues with him already.

  • Fiona
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05 Dec 07 #8494 by Fiona
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I think if you don't want to loose her covert actions are not going to help. Families interact in a circular fashion and when one member has behavioural problems or depression usually all the family are implicated and a family therapist can help resolve matters. Family therapists also support family members through family breakups. See;-

www.aft.org.uk/home/familytherapy.asp

As far as residency is concerned there is a no order principle and courts will only make an order if it is in the best interest of the welfare of the child to do so. When deciding the case, the Court will apply the "Welfare Checklist", which is a list of the criteria the Court must consider when coming to a decision. It includes:

"(a) the wishes and feelings of the child concerned in light of the child’s age and understanding
(b) the child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
(c) the likely effect on the child of any change in their circumstances
(d) the child’s age, sex, background, and any characteristics the Court considers relevant
(e) any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
(f) how capable each of the child’s parents (and any other relevant person in relation to whom the Court considers the question to be relevant) is of meeting the child’s needs
(g) the range of powers available to the Court."

The biggest obstacle to a fathers’ being awarded residency after separation is the established patterns of care and relationships during the marriage. Things such as the child's perception of which parent is their main carer and who did the nuts and bolts of parenting are important.

Also family courts aren't criminal courts and there is little interest in divorcing parents slagging each other off, it's all been heard before. What they look for is a parent who is able to cooperate, can put their differences aside and is prepared to work together with the other parent for the benefit of their child.

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05 Dec 07 #8495 by Gilly
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sounds like she has an enormous feeling of inadequacy - and unfortunately is blaming you - you in turn seem to be blaming her unconsciously - "everyone else handles him..."?
Has your son been diagnosed with any condion or recieving treatment in anyway? Perhaps your parents could help out given their experience with you. There is no fault either way in this problem...you need to sit down with her and come up with constuctive ways to alleviate the problem..as she clearly feels isolated as everyone else seem to handle your son - thus making her feel even more inadequate. As for his sleeping pattern...children need a routine and to know their boundaries -which have to be set and enforced by both sides..it's not too late to change his pattern of behaviour - you just have to agree a joint approach and stick to it and back each other up enforcing it.

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