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he is going for residency?

  • susanne1
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12 Feb 08 #13633 by susanne1
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I have just heard via my solicitor's grapevine that my husband is filing for residency.....can anyone let me know what his chances are?

I have never been in trouble with the police, don't drink or do drugs, have never been violent. I live in the FMH with my parents and two children, 4 and 17. I am the sole breadwinner and my mother takes care of the children when i am at work.

Husband is unemployed, had a warning from the police last week for harrassment, and is due a caution for violent behaviour (he pushed my mother, and has a history of being violent with her).He lives in a co-owned holiday cottage which we will be selling along with the FMH.

Please tell me i'm okay and he will fall flat on his face? I'm not getting any concrete answers from my solicitor and i'm worried.


  • mike62
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12 Feb 08 #13639 by mike62
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Your 17 yo is old enough to decide for themselves where they want to be and any court would take their wishes into account. Your youngest is receiving a great standard of care from mum and grandparents. What court is going to turn that around and hand residency to a father with a record of violence? :ohmy:

I think it is a ploy by your husband to be vindictive and nasty and it will be seen that way by a court. Hot air methinks!

Best of luck


  • hostee
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17 Feb 08 #14184 by hostee
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MY STBX went for joint residency yet he spends over half of each month working abroad he also commuted from spain for 5 yrs of my childrens life they are 9 7 6, he is gay hence my reasons for divorce....BUT he still goy joint residency.. the courts seem to like to give equal parental responibilities to you both in the eyes of the law, however joint residency or shared care etc, doesnt mean 50/50 it can mean 1 wknd in every month or hlaf the holidays etc try not to get to hung up on the wordings as long as you keep a record of everything continue to be a good mum and provider, and keep in mind what is best fort he children, you may want to have a court welfare CAFCASS officer do a report as the courts listen to them and will recommend what they feel is the correct contact for the children with their father. good luck this is tough i have been there....

  • Elizabeth
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12 Mar 08 #16636 by Elizabeth
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Hello Suzanne,

I expect this reply will be far too late but I have only just seen your post.

My ex filed for residency of our two children after he kept both of them (had them on holiday at his sisters at the other end of this country).

Your main concern will be the 4 year old. From what you have said I cannot see any judge giving your husband residency - try not to worry - the time it gets that way is when the children are at an age when they are considered to be able to make their own decision - this is as young as 11 - worrying in itself as they don't really want to decide usually to choose between parents.

I think you'll be ok - let your ex do all the running - you can do any forms yourself if need be - ring the courts and they will tell you which ones you need for what - but if you do nothing unless need be you'll be fine.

Try to live day to day - enjoy your 4 year old - they are delightful at that age aren't they!?

  • attilladahun
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13 Mar 08 #16643 by attilladahun
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If H files for this then many Courts will list he first hearing on a day when a CAFCSS officer is at Court and the usual form is the DJ will have a word with you both before the CAFCASS officer goes out with you two to see whether it is a case which is a"nuts and bolts" case that is the principle of residence is truly in issue or if as is probably the case as you say H is being "vindictive" and it is a contact case masking as a Residence case.

If there have been Divorce proceedings what did the Statement for Arrangements say-if You issued and they stated the C would live with you presumably H filed an Acknowledgement of Service saying he agreed. If so then what has happned to change things -remember the Court likes the "status quo"

On the face of it it sounds like a "hopeless case" nevertheless it is probably designed by H to cause you distress and expense. Don't worry and you can almost certainly deal with the matter yourself with assistance here.

Tactically -if he is determined to proceed the 17 year old can if necessary file a statement as to his wishes which will also deal with how "close" he is to the 4 year old-

What Court are going to split them up.

I'm a bit worried you seem automatically think you will sell the FMH- why?

  • odonnma2
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08 Apr 08 #18941 by odonnma2
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HI Susanne
again just saw your post so dont know if this is a finished issue
I am a dad trying to get joint residencey ( called a shared residence order) for my two kids 11 and 8 - Lawyers tell me my chances are really poor - I have a good job, work from home, have a great relationship witht he kids, and live 10 mins from school and FMH - If my chances are not good, what are his likely to be

If you have a signed arangements for children form when it went through court, it is very unlikely to change - he may get supervised access but more - unlikely!

The 17 year old could elect to go and live with dad but again - why?

Would suggest you have little to worry about if you remain calm - let him spend the money and make all the running - only respond if and when you have to

best of luck


  • GSS
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10 Apr 08 #19133 by GSS
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Hi Odonnma2

Going off at a tangent, but I am in the same position as you, a respondant in a divorce after 23 years of marriage and 2 children (both girls aged 12 and 17) I am trying to get shared residency. I am the only breadwinner in the family, but am told by my sol that shared residency is unlikely.
Has your sol given any pointers to how you can give yourself the best chance of achieveing shared residency?
I have a great relationship with both my girls and am fighting to ensure this continues.

At a loss to know what to do when I have done nothing wrong and it is my X2B who wants the divorce - (an affair I think)

Any advice appreciated


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