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  • jade01
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19 Feb 08 #14448 by jade01
Topic started by jade01
:(
where do i start. just last week i moved out of the 'marital' home and left my husband who has emotionally and psychologically abused me throughout our 7 year marriage. we have a four year old son who has come with me into a rented house just down the road.

i feel totally alone. i have a solicitor (legal aid), but he has no idea just how nasty this person is and pushes me to be amicable even when my ex just uses it against me.

he knew i was going to get legal aid and suspected i would file a petition against him, and i was going to, but he 'beat me' to it and rushed his own petition in against me, with allegations more offensive then anything ive heard in my life, making me out to be insane and saying i have threatened him in the past, and my son.

basically he called me the abuser. talk about deflection.

so where am i at now. i moved down the road, in good faith not wanting to make it harder for my son than this has to be, and everything i do out of good faith he burns me.

i dont have my son tonite and i am supposed to and im so upset. we agreed that he would get to visit our son tuesdays and thursdays 6-8, then alternate weekends. i brought him over there tonite in good faith at 6, then at 8 he refused to hand him over. second time in one week. wouldnt even let me in the house, kept the chain on the door. i still have half my possessions in there and im told by police i cant do a bloody thing bout either situation.

police cant do anything. no one can. its legal kidnapping no matter what anyone else says. he is keeping a four year old prisoner in a house and coercing him so that he doesnt want to come back to me. each time i collect my little boy i have to 'decompress' him - he acts brainwashed for a few hours then he's back to himself, saying he loves me, etc... funny, he was never that bothered with our son until now. this is all about saving face his side, control, winning. punishing me for leaving.

meanwhile, i believe he's filed a fake police report against me or is about to, as he did with his ex years ago, making out i have threatened him or whatever else he fancies in order to gain custody of our son.

he has a PHD though not a medical doctor, he throws his title around to try to get respect and deferrence from people, hes very manipulative and hes treating this whole thing like a game.

i was going to agree to mediation but given tonite im going straight to court. it doesnt pay to be 'nice' to this b*stard that ive learned hard way

anyone else in this situation? awful place to be. i want my son back this is driving me mad.

  • topaz
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20 Feb 08 #14450 by topaz
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jade01
I'm out of my depth here but do understand how you feel having been the subject of emotional/psychological abuse myself.
There are many on this site who will offer you support and advice if you so wish.I'm sure responses will soon be posted to help you once they've read your post.

  • rosiegirl
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20 Feb 08 #14454 by rosiegirl
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Hi Jade

Like Topaz I feel out of my depth answering you as I have never experienced anything like your situation. Have you told anyone at all about the abuse and your fears? Would you feel able to tell your solicitor? He/she may then be able to help you better regarding your son.

I'm sure that others with more apt advice will be posting here soon - there is a lot of very kind, supportive and knowledgable people on wiki.

  • hostee
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20 Feb 08 #14457 by hostee
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I totally understand and you have my sympathy, I have been there and still am to an extent, my advice for what its worth, start a diary, document everything, record phone conversations, keep any written/email communication between him and you, be strong, and get to court!!!! immediatly..... dont give an inch or they take a mile, be civil at all times, dont give him any amunition to use agaisnt you, keep your head up high, dont lower yourself to his ways, and GET TO COURT. get a contact order in place through the court, then the police can intervene if he doesnt stick to it, if necessary get CAFCASS involved (court welfare) they will listen to both sides and have the evidence in your diary to prove his inability to stick to the agreements and the effect on your child, write it all down, cant remember what age you say your child is, but get school or nursery to keep a record of behaviour changes etc in your child, it all helps to build the picture.
GET TO COURT.... you cant let this bloke control you anymore

  • Tinny
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20 Feb 08 #14484 by Tinny
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Jade
Firstly, sorry you are in this postion.
Secondly, I echo completly what the others ahve said.

I have a similar problem myself and unfortunately I didnt follow all the advice I was given. Get a contact order. Dont let this situation slide. 2 years ago my solicitor and others told me to do that, I thought I was doing the right thing by not rocking the boat, not taking it to court, stupidly thinking my Ex would see sense. I have a contact order now but it is still a battle to see my kids and they live with their dad most of the time. Its a horror story I dont want to see anyone else have.

You say:
"he has a PHD though not a medical doctor, he throws his ­title­ around to try to get respect and deferrence from people, hes very manipulative and hes treating this whole thing like a game."

Sounds familar to me. Look at me I'm so clever, I'm such an upstanding member of this community, I've done nothing wrong, etc etc etc.

Let us know how you get on. Get the ball rolling please.

Take care
Tinny

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20 Feb 08 #14489 by hostee
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PLs I cant stress enough as the last post also stated get the contact order in place as soon as possible, my STBX is a airline Captain and thinks he is god... if his lips are moving he is lying... pls pls pls GET IT IN A COURT ORDER.

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