no contact with kids

my partner is currently seperated, soon to be filing for divorce. He has 3 children, 2 girls and a boy, 11, 6 and 20 months.

he started out seeing all three every second weekend whilst he was living at his fathers house. this went on quite normally for a few months, however right before christmas when he went to pick up all three it turned out only eldest daughter was there.
he texted to find out where other 2 were however stbx stated that other 2 were sick.
it is now nearly 10 months later and he has only seen youngest twice since Christmas, and middle 3 times. middle states that she is angry with dad and doesnt want to see him (which is understandable, however stbx does encourage negative behaviour towards dad) and youngest has been 'sick', unwell, or just not at stbx inlaws (neutral pick up point) for no valid reason. He is about to go to the CAB for advice. Is there anyway he can file for a contact order before they file for divorce? he currently pays informally about £380 for all three, however feels like its not fair to pay way over the max recommended if he is being denied access? Oldest currently stays with us every second weekend, picking up and dropping off without a problem.
Any advice would be appreciated...altho currently she has said she will not stand for him to contact her directly, everythign must go through inlaws.

Your partner can apply for contact before divorce. The form, C100, and notes CB1 & CB3 are available to download from HmCourt Services website. It is possible for him to represent himself, children cases are not usually that difficult as the issues are mainly about common sense parenting and children. There is a court fee of £175.

Once again the caveat about not confusing contact and child support applies.

Personally I have always found the CAB pretty useless where family court matters are concerned (though excellent on things like housing and employment law). Your partner would be advised to swat up on parental alienation.

It always amuses me when Fiona (for whom I have infinite respect) says that family law is not that difficult; the Family Bench Book famously describes most family cases as 'not intellectually particularly demanding', which is fortunate given the intellectual ability of many judges (especially after lunch).

I've written an e-Book on family law which is over 500 pages. Not as complicated as some areas of law, perhaps, but still quite a lot to expect the average LIP to command. Of course representing yourself is possible (and in many cases necessary), and the results are often better than using a solicitor, but it can still be quite a challenge!

I feel for your partner and you. Another case of "power/control" freak mothers dictating when and whom can have the children.. So sad that children are being used in silly little games...

Good luck with everything...

Thanks!

we both know thats what is at the heart of everything..she was in control of everything the whole time they were married..finances, kids, household, him even. its sad that cliches do come true now and then.

Have they tried to talk about this situation? Has she refused to discuss it?

Is the youngest 20 months now? If that's the case, she was only 10/11 months at the beginning of the year? Are you the reason for the break-up of the marriage or the first girlfriend/partner since the break-up of the marriage? Do you have children yourself?

My stbx left me last year in the very, very early stages of pregnancy. I now have an almost 8 week old baby. The idea of handing him to my stbx let alone put him into the care of his girlfriend (who is not doing too well in the popularity stakes with our older children aged 2 and 5) is, frankly, far too much to contemplate at this time. I would suggest that perhaps for the mother, handing over her 10 month old to another woman was/is equally difficult to comprehend (far easier with the older children and that's difficult enough) and this may go some way to explaining what is going on? Probably worse if you're the reason for the break up of the marriage (not a judgement on my part, just my own feelings towards my stbx's girlfriend - I suspect my feelings are 'normal').

I know that this is an emotional reaction (so all you chaps out there being denied access to your children, please do not shoot me down in flames - I do understand my baby has to develop a relationship with his father and I will be allowing it, as soon as he either drops the idea of the DNA test or he signs the paperwork and we get it out of the way) but it is, with small children, a very, very real, frightening (lots of other emotive words!)....reaction for mothers.

I have suggested a three-way mediation with my stbx and his girlfriend regarding the care of my baby (I find it hard to see him as 'ours' since I was abandonned in pregnancy, birth and he subsequently has denied that the baby is his) which I think is very reasonable. I have expectations which will need to be agreed to before he goes to their home. Mediation may be something your partner wants to suggest? Meeting you as well if she has any concerns? Allowing her to see your home, where the younger ones will sleep etc? I know, I really do, that this is a massive imposition, but it might go some way to appeasing her?

Anyway, I just wanted to throw that in. Sometimes all is not what it seems. We all react in ways we're not necessarily able to understand when faced with these things and it does sometimes help to try and see how things might be being felt from the other side. I apologise if it offends, it is not my intention.

No totally understandable and will go a bit more into detail.
We actually only got together in March of this year, however were friends before this so I am aware of the entire situation. I can understand the thought of handing over the baby to someone else however we strongly believe this is NOT the reason for her acting this way. She currently has NO issue handing any of the children over to babysitters and any of her friends. He has said that in order for contact to be rebuilt he is willing to start with short visits whilst grandparent is present and gradually rebuild up to having youngest for a whole day, and eventually he hopes overnight. He has been completely flexible when grandparents need to change pick up times, or change days of visitation and didnt put up ANY struggle when the informal child maintanence was agreed (more like dictated). She has now stopped responding to any texts he sends, and when he picks up oldest asks grandparent where youngest is and is always told the same thing 'Oh, i am not having her today'.
its getting VERY frustrating for him, and very very sad. Mediation is so out of the question as she refuses to talk or see him in any way.