Primary care and re-location of the family home

I am in the process of separating from my wife following her admission of adultery.

Gave up work in 2001 to look after the kids and my wife occupies a senior management position which has meant her doing none of the traditional child-care stuff.

We currently live in one of the most expensive parts of the country and for various reasons the division of the remaining cash asset would not be enough to buy two reasonable (min 3 bed) properties.

Assuming I can retain the right to be the Primary carer I would like to move closer to my parents and brother where a 4 bed house with graden costs the same as a 2 bed bed flat where we currently are.

The move would add about 45 mins to her commute each way but her role allows her to use hotels midweek (as she currently does) and some homeworking (as she currently does). She spends an average of 11-12 hours away from home at the moment per day and her school run duties would realistically only allow perhaps monday morning and friday evening with me willing to carry out the rest.All of her fuel is paid and much of her work can be done whilst on the carphone.

Am I likely to be able to relocate the kids on the basis of quality of surroundings/ life issues?

If she steadfastly refuses to move can I go for sole custody with any liklihood of success?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Both parents have Parental Responsibility (or Parental Rights and Responsibility in Scotland) and are seen as equal in the eyes of the law. Courts have a no order principle meaning that they won't use an order unless matters can't be resolved otherwise. Incidently the terms custody/access or no longer used in the UK, now residency/contact are used.

You don't need consent to move within the jurisdiction, although your wife could apply for an prohibitive steps order to stop the children being relocated or a specific issues order if you can't agree matters such as schooling. It would therefore be best to try and discuss matters with your wife and if there is dispute to attempt mediation to resolve matters in the first instance.

In the unlikely event the matter did end up in court the considerations are;-

There is no presumption in favour of the NRP;

How reasonable the proposals for relocatation are;

The practicality of the relocation proposals, including ensuring continued adequate contact with the other parent;

The court needs to be satisfied that there is a genuine motivation for the move and not an intention to bring contact between the child(ren) and the other parent to an end;

The effect upon the NRP and the new family of the child of a refusal of leave is very important;

The child's welfare is paramount but all relevant aspects of the welfare checklist must be analysed including, where appropriate, the wishes and feelings of the child(ren);

Fiona,

My wife quite literally won't be able to do more than a couple of school runs per week due to her work.

She is already talking about using after-school clubs etc to push back picking up times in order to meet her obligations.

How is the use of au-pairs, clubs etc viewed? when I have already told her that I am prepared to do extra collections etc if she is prepared to be flexible re geographic location?

Does the absence of for instance a garden for the children or the fact that they may have to share a room (boy 7 girl 10)in a flat rather than a house have a bearing on the decision?

Also, her working day in terms of door to door need not change if she is disciplined about leaving the office on time. Much of her work is done over the carphone anyway and she uses hotels about 3 times a fortnight and works from home about once a week, which would restrict her number of commutes to maybe 4 or 5 per week.

How is the use of au-pairs, clubs etc viewed? when I have already told her that I am prepared to do extra collections etc if she is prepared to be flexible re geographic location?

Theses days most working families use child care of some sort. The court is directed to have particular regard to the welfare check list.

(a)the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in the light of his age and understanding);

(b)his physical, emotional and educational needs;

(c)the likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;

(d)his age, sex, background and any characteristics of his which the court considers relevant;

(e)any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;

(f)how capable each of his parents, and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;

Does the absence of for instance a garden for the children or the fact that they may have to share a room (boy 7 girl 10)in a flat rather than a house have a bearing on the decision?

Economics and quality of life would be considered under practicalities. Courts aren't in the habit of preventing people getting on with life after divorce, the main emphasis is the children's welfare.

Great Dad,

Read your questions - what makes you think you're a "Great Dad?" Just because you "gave up work" to look after the children? Women do that all the time but they don't refer to themselves as "great Mums" They just DO it!!

I presume it was an agreed arrangement? Your wife is still the children's mother - just because she works does not mean she is less important - you pose the questions as if she is doing something wrong - at least it comes across that way.

Fiona's advice is best - but what exactly are you trying to get at? If your wife has a demanding job and you are looking after the children it may be a a good starting point to be open with her and talk to her about the move and see how far you can agree - I get the impression you feel there would be a resistance by her...

Whatever you do - don't make her feel she is a bad mother for not being there for her children - it was either an agreed arrangement or you put her in that position by giving up your job...don't know you haven't made that clear.

I see both sides to this... Yes the female generally is assumed the main stay and in my experience the resposibility of child care lies ultimately with the mother, my x2b worked every hour (not needed) but seemed to prefer work to homelife
I moved 120 miles(2 hrs) away with kids, he knew and never tried to stop us, and has not bothered to contact us despite me making every effort, buying kids own phones etc, ....
So to me any man who makes the effort to see kids in my view is a GREAT dad and all us mums are super great
looby

Hello Loobylou,

I can see your point about Dad's having contact but that is different that a husband who starts to indicate that the wife working makes her less important.

I've had a very bad experience very recently - my husband got made redundant, after I had been looking after the children from the day they were born he got made redundant just as the youngest started school. He stayed at home (children both at school). After 3 years of me working and supporting us financiall y(not long hours - home by 5), I asked him to look at getting a more secure form of employment - he said no, wanted to be an artist. We argued - he then TOOK BOTH OUR CHILDREN 300 miles away and stuck a residency order in to keep them there and said he has a "special bond" with them!

So that's why I replied like I did.

Would appreciate your comments...