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Ex won't assist with any travel arrangements

  • BigVee
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03 Aug 10 #217458 by BigVee
Topic started by BigVee
After my divorce I moved 250 miles away from my ex and my 5 year old son.

To facilitate contact, I bought a house near my ex wife (12 miles away). I therefore have 2 mortgages.

I travel up every other weeekend for weekend contact and have him at least 3/4 weeks in school holidays.

My ex refuses to assist in any way with transport to facilitate contact - including dropping my son at the nearby train station so i can pick him up there.

Am I being un reasonable in expecting this? She has lied before about being out of the country to avoid doing this.

Would going to court help? I feel like going to court as she generally treats me like dirt and is awkward about everything. Recently she took a weekend away from me with no negotiation at all because it suits her to go away on one of my weekends.

I honestly bleieve her behaviour is affecting my son's welfare.

please help.

  • WhiteRose
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03 Aug 10 #217459 by WhiteRose
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Hi BigVee,

Have you got a Court Order for the contact or has it all been arranged between you so far?

At court they get things officially outlined about travel arrangements for pick up/drop off and (minimum) contact times, holidays, Christmases, Birthdays etc.

If you haven't - I'd advise it, it is good to work things out between you, but if one party isn't being fair/reasonable, its wise to get things clearly defined for both of you to adhere to.

Usually with contact arrangements, its reasonable for parents to each do one leg of a journey during contact times (unless finances/disability/transport etc. are a factor)

Good Luck


  • hawaythelads
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03 Aug 10 #217473 by hawaythelads
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Big Vee,
I sympathise with you.Just her petty point scoring mate that's frustrating the feck out of you.
Bigger picture you've bought a house 12 miles from her even though u work 250 miles away.
You travel the 250 miles every other weekend to see your kid and the xxxx knows that so gets supreme satisfaction by not moving her rse of the setee to take him to the front door even to help out on transport.
Personally if I was doing what you do I'd think feck it I would do it all and not give her the satisfaction of knowing that her fecking supreme petiness actually got up my nose so much,as it indeed must.
al the best
Pete xx

  • BigVee
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04 Aug 10 #217628 by BigVee
Reply from BigVee
We agreed on a "no order" - so no there is no order in place.

It was amicable until she met someone. Now she just changes things whenever she feels like it.

She won't swop weekends for anything i want - she only does it to suit her.

So do you think I have nothing to lose in going to court to get an order? She has flatly refused mediation and will not negotiate on anything in respect of contact.

  • onamission
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04 Aug 10 #217632 by onamission
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I agree with WR you need a defined contact order, if one party is being unreasonable what choice do you have?

  • estranged_father
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05 Aug 10 #217822 by estranged_father
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my ex did this - we only live 3 miles away (i told her i'd pay her petrol allowance of £10 per month, sorted).

To be honest i think the court would look dimly at her not facilitating contact handovers - as resident parent she has the responsibility

  • Bobbinalong
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05 Aug 10 #217840 by Bobbinalong
Reply from Bobbinalong
bigvee, they have all said it, and I experienced it, they do it all on purpose mate and you aint never going to gain anything, certainly dont expect anything.
Make sure your diary is up to date and that you have all the info, if I was a judge I would be very impressed at the fact you bought a house to facilitate seeign your son, so go lip and get it son, you owe it to your son and your future relationship with him.
best of luck

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