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14 Jul 11 #277913 by Developesense
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Forseti,

I'm afraid your advice is dreadful and would leave most fathers with little or no contact and an uphill struggle to get to a decent level or better and/or shared residence.

Please consider the people's lives and their children's needs before encouraging fathers to go on this merry go round of refusing to do this and that.

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14 Jul 11 #277915 by Developesense
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Forseti wrote:

I was involved today in the launch of a (free) new advice clinic for separated parents.................They need to become much more proactive, and to understand that their application is theirs, and entitles them to run the hearing at their own speed.....................

Don't apply for or accept 'contact' when what your child really needs is shared residence.

Don't accept contact in a contact centre (especially supervised) when there is no evidence that you represent a threat to your child. ............................
Don't give detailed responses to allegations in a Scott Schedule when its only purpose is to add delay and the allegations amount to nothing more than the normal ebb and flow of imperfect parenting.

.......................


I'm not surprised it is free if this is the advice you are giving people, appalling.

"Run the hearing at their own speed" - Unbelievably naive and dangerous. You have a certain amount of time to state your case and get the best result you can. Wasting time will not go down well with the Court either and give you little or no credit when it comes to decisions your child's relationship depends on.

Time with your child/ren is the MOST important factor - Call it a contact order or a shared residence order it's neither here nor there. Time and as much time as you can obtain is all that counts.

I've lost count of the number of dads who have shared residence orders but are not seeing their children or have fought primarily for a shared residence order but ending up with little or no parenting time because they are focussed on a piece of paper.

If a contact centre is the only option in kicking off contact, then take it and then build from there. Stamping your feet and putting your fingers in your ear and saying no just ensures your child misses out in time with his dad and very likely the relationship completely.

If a father is being accused of this and that and a Scott Schedule is to be filled in - Then not defending yourself as best you can and providing your evidence to show you are innocent of the allegations simply means your ex will walk it and the allegations will be found against you very likely.

I could go on but you get the idea, nonsensical advice in the original post from forseti - If you follow it you will very likely end up with years of no contact.

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14 Jul 11 #277921 by rubytuesday
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Developesense

Would you care to share your own experiences of child contact issues?

I personally have a great deal of respect for Forseti, and have only known him to give good, solid, grounded advice based on his own experiences and knowledge.

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14 Jul 11 #277926 by Developesense
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I'm in court 2 or 3 times a week assisting people (mainly dads), have been for years.

I'm sorry to say forseti's advice and if you agree with it, are leading dad's up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

Forseti's advice is just going to ensure many dads who follow it will be joining a campaign group and climbing up bridges, because it gives them little chance of success in maintaining their relationship with their children.

His advice is based on theory rather than practice, clearly.

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14 Jul 11 #277929 by rubytuesday
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Developesense wrote:

I'm in court 2 or 3 times a week assisting people (mainly dads), have been for years.


So you are a McKenzie Friend? Im sure your knowledge and experience will help others, if you choose to help our members.

His [Forseti] advice is ­base­d on theory rather than practice, clearly.

You say this why? Presumably you are able to post your own advice to parents going through the Courts to gain contact with their children, rather than just attempting to pick holes in what someone else has written?

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14 Jul 11 #277937 by Butnotnow
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Adding my pennies worth here but from two years in the courts there is some merit to treading carefully in how you approach things in court, if I went in demanding this and that at the beginning I have little doubt the contact I eventually managed to obtain would not have happened.

One tip I will give anyone self repping (or not) is to always consider the weight that courts seem to put behind the residents parents well being, even if the RP's behaviour is less than ideal it should not be underestimated or dismissed and can suggest a lack of compassion on the NRP's side. Having had to deal with a very good story teller these last few years I have learned to tread very carefully in how I respond, many times I have simply accepted her nonsense and stayed firmly focused on the longer term goal of increasing contact and getting stability in the whole, rather than prove who is more in the right.

it is simply that creating additional pressure in the main home by pushing the Ex is not considered in a childs best interests, winning a point might be something one feels is a way of getting one over your Ex but at what long term cost to a child?

Keep firmly focused on contact matters, don't get into a tit for tat battle, and do not be seen to cause unnecessary stress for the resident parent (I know its not fair but thats life sometimes)

BNN

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14 Jul 11 #277945 by Fiona
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Actually I think the post is helpful to other members. I also have a great deal of respect for Forseti but I don't always agree with him. Just because the experiences of Developesense are different from Forseti doesn't makes them any less valid. There are many people who have similar concerns. As long as posters are respectful of each other there is nothing wrong with debate.

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