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Sorry kids, Dad''s not coming for you again....

  • strongerthanithought
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21 Mar 12 #319410 by strongerthanithought
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So yet again he''s let them down, 9 weeks between visits lst time, will be at least 5 weeks this time.

Kids have been a nightmare since The Text, then tears at bedtime ending with the inevitable ''Why are you and Daddy not together any more?''.

How about ''Because Daddy let me down like he''s letting you down time and time again''. or ''Because I want to be able to not have to get my hopes up every time''.

I read of Dads fighting tooth and nail to see their kids yet I am offering mine practically on a plate and he''s not bothered at all. And no, I don''t buy the ''I''ve got to work AGAIN'' card. Or the ''I can''t afford it'' card. I know what he earns, and I know he works every other weekend - I know he can arrange this on weekends he''s not supposed to be seeing the kids.

I know there''s no point even thinking about applying for never mind enforcing a contact order.

I''ve taken the moral highground for 2 years now, but every time he lets them down I just want to scream DADDY IS USELESS AND REALLY JUST CAN''T BE BOTHERED TO WASTE HIS TIME SEEING YOU!!!! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Rant over, and I know I''m lucky to have my children with me so much, yet (for better or worse) I do believe that they should have a positive relationship with their dad. How can I make him see what he''s doing? And how can I help the kids not to get their hopes up that they might be seeing their Dad sometime in the future?

  • BoysMum
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21 Mar 12 #319421 by BoysMum
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I know exactly what you are going through.

It beggars belief why a dad wouldn''t want to see their children. My ex was offered contact in May 2010 and still nothing!!

I obviously don''t share my thoughts with the children, but I want to scream as loud as you, and tell them exactly why he doesn''t bother!! But, I keep a cool head, bite my tongue and say nothing.......

I will never understand what is more important than seeing your children. It''s been 10 long months for my children without a visit, and I am not holding out any hope that he will ever bother again.

xxx

  • AnnoyedMummy
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21 Mar 12 #319429 by AnnoyedMummy
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In the same boat. It''s been 14 weeks since the ex last saw her, two cancelled visits and no plan for anymore. No Christmas presents (again!) and we are still waiting for the Easter bunny he promised her last year. Our previous ''record'' on length of time between contact was 16 weeks. That was just after her birthday, when he left it 4 months so she would forget he promised her a present. This time he did the same thing after Christmas!
I honestly feel like stopping contact altogether. Hes seen her TWICE since August! She''s 3, and that''s not enough. The court order I have says I can stop contact if he doesn''t ''consistently attend'' but I''m still trying to give him a a chance!!

  • MissTish1
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22 Mar 12 #319443 by MissTish1
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Sadly there isn''t anything you can do, and its really really hard. You cannot force a parent to have contact when they clearly don''t want to. Most absent parents would do anything to see their kids and be a major part of their lives, but some don''t. I don''t get it, you don''t get it, and to be honest I don''t want to get it, because it must be a very dark place to be.

All you can do is be the best parent you can. Try and answer their questions as honestly as you can (age appropriate), but don''t build their hopes up either. One day, if things don''t improve, they will probably turn their backs on him, which is sad, but par for the course when no effort is made. We are seeing what it does to a kid ourselves, with mum being the absent parent. My 13 yr old SD has lived with us now for 8 months, and in that time her mum has seen her 6 times for a total of 18 hours. SD, despite being encouraged, didn''t send her mum a card on Mothers Day. Her choice. Mum was livid with her and had a go on the phone. SD told her she didn''t deserve one because she doesn''t behave like a parent. Fair enough really. Their relationship is in tatters, and she only has herself to blame.

You just have to be there for your babies, like all good parents are.

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22 Mar 12 #319483 by MissTish1
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Sadly there isn''t anything you can do, and its really really hard. You cannot force a parent to have contact when they clearly don''t want to. Most absent parents would do anything to see their kids and be a major part of their lives, but some don''t. I don''t get it, you don''t get it, and to be honest I don''t want to get it, because it must be a very dark place to be.

All you can do is be the best parent you can. Try and answer their questions as honestly as you can (age appropriate), but don''t build their hopes up either. One day, if things don''t improve, they will probably turn their backs on him, which is sad, but par for the course when no effort is made. We are seeing what it does to a kid ourselves, with mum being the absent parent. My 13 yr old SD has lived with us now for 8 months, and in that time her mum has seen her 6 times for a total of 18 hours. SD, despite being encouraged, didn''t send her mum a card on Mothers Day. Her choice. Mum was livid with her and had a go on the phone. SD told her she didn''t deserve one because she doesn''t behave like a parent. Fair enough really. Their relationship is in tatters, and she only has herself to blame.

You just have to be there for your babies, like all good parents are.

  • greebobeebo
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22 Mar 12 #319522 by greebobeebo
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My ex decided before we even divorced that he didn''t Its too emotionally draining''.

My son was 3 at the time so it didn''t impact him that much, but whenever we went past the turn off to his dads house he always asked if we could go see him.

I used to tell him daddy was ill, until after we divorced, then I told him, in simple terms that his Daddy was too busy and didn''t have time for him.

It''s been 3 years now and on mothers day, he said that not everybody has to do a fathers day card because not everybody has a father. He was very matter of fact about it.

I never used to tell my oldest son when his Dad was coming because he was so unreliable. So if he turned up it was better for him and he was more excited.

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22 Mar 12 #319592 by strongerthanithought
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I''ve thought about doing that; letting them just go on without realising it should be a ''daddy weekend'' but after 2 years I''m getting to the end of my tether. I kind of want them to realise that daddy is letting them down again and again and again, an I know I am a bad person for wanting that but I have been hurt too...
Maybe I should save myself the trauma of them getting upset if they don''t go (and the fall-outa of their bad behaviour whenever they do) and just let them have a surprise if they do go.
But then again, I have to make plans for them and myself; birthday parties and sleepovers etc - I can''t be expected to tell their friends'' parents that they might be going *if* they don''t go to their dads??
AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH why can''t he see what he''s doing to his children!!!!!!

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