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Increasing to 50/50 contact...advice sought.

  • ludlum
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03 Apr 12 #321349 by ludlum
Topic started by ludlum
I currenlty have my Son with me for 5 nighst en bloc every other week and the situation is subject to a "no order" principle as result of CAFCASS advice. i.e. no shared order and no sole order to either parent.

XW seems to still think she has global supremacy over all issues and argues over the most pettiest of issues.

I am considering going back to court to ask them to consider granting me basically 7 nights alternate weeks so a pure 50/50 split.

The main reason is of course that I want to spend as much time with my Son as possible in his early years. But also, for example, if due to maintaining a sensible routine, school holidays over the whole year end up 2-3 days in my favour (i.e. normnally because they break up mid week on a week my Son would be with me etc) then this is argued to the nth degree as "unfair" despite term time contact being a 9 nights to 5 in her favour and most bank holidays and teacher training days ending up on days when child is with her

If contact was a straight 50/50 share, I coud understand her being more defensive over the odd 2-3 days at the end of the week (beginning of summer holiday) but contact is so stackedn in her favour.

The 5 nights out of 14 has been in place for over a year but I would like to extend it to 50/50.

I am not bothered about claiming CB ot CTC and would of course pay my way towards his upbringing.

She would obviously resent any increase for fear of loss of maintenance.

What is the likely view of a judge if I applied for 2 more nights each fortnight and a reappliction for a shared res order.

Thanks folks.

  • TBagpuss
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03 Apr 12 #321366 by TBagpuss
Reply from TBagpuss
it depends. How would it fit around your (and your ex''s ) work commitments? How old is your son? What are the benefits to your son of any change. I understand that you naturally want to have more time with him, but the court has to weigh whetehr this is in best interests, and may feel that if there is a stable pattern which is generally working, that there is no need to disrupt that.

Have you considered trying mediation to try to discuss some of these issues? The court process (as you know if you''ve been there once already) is very stressful and that will have a knock-on effect on your son.

Also, you could look at trying to have a calander and agree the dates for a year (or maybe for 3 or 6 months) at a time, so that you don''t have fresh arguments each time there is a holiday.

  • ludlum
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03 Apr 12 #321405 by ludlum
Reply from ludlum

Yep, totally agree. Child is under 8 and has been mutually cared for by both me and my now wife (his step mum) and sees life here as normal family life and understands that a work/life balance is the norm and he is hardly ever "palmed off" on other people excpet to when he justifiably and deservedly enagages in some quality grandparents time.

He often comments that he sees it as unfair that there is more time with one parent than with the other and he of course has step parents and siblings at both homes that he loves dearly and enjoys spending time with.

The trouble is he is then brain washed to say "but mummy says that would be less time with her!" She means less time than what she has now but is trying make him believe that it will mean less time with Mummy "compared" to with Daddy.

We have a plan as to how holidays are allocated so the weeks match the standard weeks he is with each parent but if for example there is 6 weeks and 2 days of summer holiday, and the odd two days are say at the beginning of the holiday and at the end of the week that he would normally be with me then I simply see it as taking a hit over those two days as obviousluy he is with her for so much more during term time.

Its pettyness like that that makes me think that she is so ungrateful for the fact the he is there for such a larger percentage of the time and then argues the toss over a couple of days which then has a knock on effect to how the rest of the holidays are shared.

Just wondered what the likelihood of a SRO being granted and success at achieving 50/50

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