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Advice please...

  • sugarallison
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04 Apr 12 #321641 by sugarallison
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Hello... my ex and I separated a bit over a year ago, when I found out he was having an affair with a co-worker. They now live together. We have young twin boys. They spend every weekend with their Dad, and her. It kills me, but I am desperate for a break, and I want to do the right thing for the kids.

My problem: He has just emailed to ask if he can take the children away for a week, on holiday to Norway (where SHE is from). I really want to say HELL NO. It will be so hard for me to know they are meeting all of HER family, having a wonderful time together overseas.

Please advise me on how to respond to his request...

  • MrsMathsisfun
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04 Apr 12 #321642 by MrsMathsisfun
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Welcome to wiki.

Truthfully for the sake of your children you have to say. Have a lovely time.

Its hard especially when a third person is involved but do you really wants your boys to be involved in court action and all the stress that would entail?

You might want to take the children somewhere sometime and will have to get his permission in exactly the same way.

I am sorry but this is about your boys not you.

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04 Apr 12 #321649 by sillywoman
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Grit your teeth and say "of course, it will be wonderful for the boys".

Then, find yourself a friend and go away yourself!

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04 Apr 12 #321653 by MissTish1
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Hi there and welcome,

Firstly, well done for overcoming a difficult situation & not letting it affect your kids contact with their dad. You are already doing the right thing at what must be a raw time :)

If you can overcome the fact your ex is living with someone else by not letting it affect contact, then you can overcome the boys going overseas too. As everyone else has said, the right thing to do is to grit your teeth and say ''of course, have a great time''. Believe me, if you can be amicable regarding contact (even if inside you are seething), your boys will grow into healthy, well balanced young men, guaranteed. Whilst your ex is away with them, plan something indulgent for yourself - you deserve it!

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04 Apr 12 #321657 by sugarallison
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But it is about me. Sorry, but the way I feel affects the way I can Mother. I''m so exhausted now, I just want to take myself entirely out of the equation. I don''t think I strong enough for them to go off and meet her family, play ''happy families'' with MY children after what SHE did.

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04 Apr 12 #321660 by MissTish1
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How you feel is normal and understandable, no-one would say otherwise. But, the situation is as it is and is unlikely to change, and if your ex went to Court on this, its likely he would be granted holidays by way of a Contact Order. A judge won''t take into account your feelings (however valid they are) and will just act on what''s in the best interests of the boys. You''re already giving good contact, a holiday is the next, inevitable step.

Remember they are your ex''s children too.

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