custody with a shift worker

I have been divorced for 18 months. My ex is a police officer and works 2 day shifts of 7-4 2 afternoon shifts of 3-12 and 2 night shifts of 10-7, he is then off for four days. He has our children on his first 2 rest days for exactly 48 hours.

He only has them for one full week a year out of the 14 that they have off school. My one child is still in afternoon nursery and my other is in full time school so when his rest days are thursday friday sat sun he will have them at 3 on a thursday and then they return by 3 on the saturday.

This leaves him very little time with them he then goes 8 days without contacting them. His rota goes 16 weeks before it starts again. It is making my life very difficult as i struggle to make plans in advance as i dont want the kids to miss out on seeing him. He is now engaged and says he needs to have weekends on his own with his fiance and they need relationship time during the week.

He has now decided he wanst to take me to court as i suggested that during the summer he might want to have them for 3 noghts instead off 2 just while they are off for the 7 weeks. If it goes to court how will it work, they cant make him see them more i am told, also i am aware that he has rights to ask for a more permanent shift pattern, not that he ever would of course, i dont want the hassle of court but i also cannot keep checking his rota in case i need to ''be ill'' or dare to have a bit of me time. Thanks.

What does he want to take you to court for? If he has a suggested contact pattern then you can agree it without the need, or cost, of court.

Court can''t order him to see them if he doesn''t want to. Well done for doing your best to encourage contact but it will be his loss in the long run. You have tried.

He wants someone official to tell me that i have to adhere to his rota and that he can see the kids when it suits him basically. He thinks its perfectly reasonable to live this way for then next 10 15 years.

He suggests he sees them for two days then 8 days pass then he sees them again. He has a holiday booked for sep for 11 days with no intention of making up the time he has lost just assuming that i will be here to have them for him to bugger off on a jolly

if he takes this to court, he is going to have to come up with some regular contact that is pretty simple and full proof, it doesnt look like thats possible, also as regards his new partner do they want the kids or not?
I split with my last gf as she wasnt getting on with my kids, its not just about him.

So, I would say, let him, see what he comes up with

well he is 35 she is 22. They plan to have kids at a later date. I am told that she struggles with the fact that they go there so often she will go to her mums when they are there. He has told me this himself. I appreciate there isnt anything i can do however the idea of her being step mum doesnt fill me with joy. He will not offer anything other that what he is currently doing. I guess i just want someone to tell me if i will have to abide by his rota until the kids are out of school.

Courts usually expect parents to work it out for themselves and find a compromise. A bit like you are doing!

He can''t just go to court and expect to tell the judge how it''s going to be and expect them to rubber stamp it as a court order.

Fear not. You are doing right and all he will do by going to court with his demands is make himself look like some sort of controlling bully especially when you make your suggestions for 3 nights instead of 2 etc.

Thank you. He is now offering to have them for three weeks a year and every other 2nd day shift, I fear it has more to do with dropping his maintenance than see the kids.