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Contact control

  • alpina50
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05 Apr 12 #321732 by alpina50
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Hi

I havent been here for a while but need to see if anyone can help...

My ex wife walked out nearly two years ago, we are divorced and I have 2 of my 3 girls residing with me. I have two issues.
1) My ex has contact with the girls after school each day until 6-30. But I have to pick them up from her ??. I finish work at 5-30 but have to wait in a car park for the hour before collecting them.

I recently emailed my ex to ask that either
a) she returns them to me at 6-30 or
b) I am allowed to collect them at 5.40 so that I no longer have to wait.

As the resident parent do i have any control over what happens or is there anything i can do....i have searched the internet but nothing seems to explain it.
I am in debt remedy due to the divorce so I dont really want to go down the court route for something as small as this, but she is as she always has been bloody difficult.

2)the contact order gave half of school holidays which was agreed to both parents, but do I as the main carer/resident parent have the control over saying when her half is. I am not being difficult but she seems to think that despite what she has done she can still control what goes on and is never in agreement with my suggestions.

Any advice would be welcome, thank you.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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05 Apr 12 #321735 by MrsMathsisfun
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Can I ask why the 6.30 collection time came about if you finish work at 5.30 and how long this situation has gone on?

As to holidays I dont think you can tell your ex when she must have the children, but neither can she.

My partner and his ex write down each September which weeks they want and then negotiate if there are any difficulties.

  • MissTish1
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05 Apr 12 #321751 by MissTish1
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If its possible for her to return the girls to you at 6.30, then that is what she should do, otherwise you should be able to collect them earlier to save hanging around for an hour. I would suggest this politely, by letter.

Regarding holidays, the best approach would be to submit date suggestions for holidays at the beginning of the year, or at least with reasonable notice, particularly if you are working and need to arrange leave etc.

A letter in the first instance is a good idea, and then perhaps mediation if you cannot resolve things.

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05 Apr 12 #321767 by alpina50
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hi and thanks for replying.

i must say that i agreed to the times and the collection by me just kind of happened. I was severly depressed at the time trying to hold onto the house full time job and care for my children, so kind of agreed to to it.
She will not agree to anything that i suggest and makes life difficult and over the past year and a half since this arrangement was made when I was awarded the two girls in court.

And any suggestion of talking to her is out of the window unless i sit there, hear what she wants to say then agree...

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05 Apr 12 #321774 by MissTish1
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Hmm, sticky situation isn''t it. Perhaps she would agree to meet you half way & allow you to collect the girls at 6,.as a compromise? Worth a try. As for the holidays, its reasonable to expect that you agree on dates beforehand, and she can''t just dictate to you. Perhaps write outlining your proposals for dates, invite her to respond within a given time scale with alternatives if she doesn''t agree, and state that if you don''t hear from her within the time frame then your dates will stand? If she gets funny about things perhaps she could start proceedings saving you the expense. You''re the RP, and to a certain extent she has to fit in around you.

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05 Apr 12 #321783 by alpina50
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This is my headache.

There is no comprimise unless it is by me. This is my reason to see if I have the right to turn it back on her..

My partners parents live in South Adrica and we have been invited for a holiday, easter next year is the best time and I was hoping to be able to say that i would like them for those two weeks, but i just know it wont happen if i cant say i am the resident parent and i will be taking them for those two weeks..

Ive never wanted to try and stamp down but after 2 years of misery i feel that i need to do something..

  • MrsMathsisfun
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05 Apr 12 #321785 by MrsMathsisfun
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What does the contact order state?

Does it state holidays by agreement or does it say half of each of the school holidays?

You might need to return to court just to get more definition of the contact agreement.

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