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Being accused of... advice please.

  • Shi Tong
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05 Apr 12 #321852 by Shi Tong
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Hello All,

I''ve just received the papers from my ex''s solicitor for a contact and residence order.

She has filled in a C100 (asking for contact and residency) and a C1A (allegations of domestic abuse and harm), but no C1 (which is concerns over children''s welfare).

In the C1A she''s accusing me of reducing contact with no good reason, and saying that the abuse she put me through was my own fault. She also says that I''m not putting the children''s best interest at heart and she''s not restricted contact for me. She''s saying she wants a residency order so that she can "put the best interests of the children" at the forefront of her concerns.

I''ve filled out a cross application recently in which I filled in the C1A, C100 and the C1 because I feel she is massively abusive- mentally, psychologically and physically.

My questions to my fellow wikiers is this:

Does she have an advantage in proceedings being the "first one" to file papers for residency?

If the children are at risk of abuse, will a court want to give her residency?

If the children are at risk of abduction, will a court want to give her residency?

If I have no further witnesses to incidents of domestic abuse (though I do, but they''ve not helped at all so far), will their statements be taken into consideration in court?

If the children have repeated to me a LOT of times, very clearly and without me trying to cajole them into saying these things, that they don''t WANT to go to contact with their mother, will that be taken into account?

Sorry for this long list.. I''m very upset and worried that the children are going to be taken from me arbitrarily because I''m being accused with these rather limp accusations and I''m a man.. :(

  • alpina50
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05 Apr 12 #321876 by alpina50
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Hi there, first of all hang in there, I am a man that has residence order for 2 of my 3 girls so do not start to panic just yet.

My answers are from my experience.

I wouldn''t say that getting in first gives you an advantage, as it will probably end up in the same place if you cannot agree between you and your ex and that will be court.

Someone would be appointed to look at what is best for your children, normally they take into account from the age of about 13.

If you can prove the abuse then i dont think that the court would place them there. The court looks at what is best for the children not the adults.


Can I just ask, no...i dont want to pry so will tell you briefly my story...

My wife walked out, left me with our three girls to carry on her relationship with a work colleague. Had the girls for a 2 week break in the summer, that turned to 3 then text me to say that they were not coming back but staying with her....i took her to court and the judge returned the girls to myself (female judge) who also slated my ex for her actions and behaviour in preventing contact between me and my girls.

Before it got to court she agreed to let me keep the two youngest whilst the eldest (brainwashed) stayed with her.
My ex alleged that she left because she feared for her safety, 2 false accusations of assault, but on speaking to a female police officer with regards to this she laughed because the natural reaction if she feared for her safety would be to remove the children out of harms way. So if your ex left them with you then that is because she new what a good job you would do...

I hope that some of this will help you...

  • ozzywiz
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06 Apr 12 #322096 by ozzywiz
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exactly same, my ex left me with our 5 children the youngest being 10 minths old cause she left for a bloke.

went through court with same as you cross applications that was dealt with together. I got full sole residence of the children.

Their is no advantage in being first to apply, she will be the applicant and you will be the defendant but both cases will be heard together.

Cafcass will be appointed to do a report, probably a section 7.

What are the ages of your children ?

  • Shi Tong
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08 Apr 12 #322278 by Shi Tong
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Hello friends.. :)

My kids are 7 and 5.

They''re still very young.. "unfortunately". Fortunately, my eldest son is exceptionally bright and is very aware of his routine, he will happily and easily tell you what it is, what he likes and how he likes it.

Which is that he sees his mum on Monday and Tuesday night, he sees her sometimes on a Sunday if he feels like it. It''s traditionally been a very difficult Sunday if he refuses to go, or doesn''t want to because she bullies him. In fact I even had a good conversation with him this evening on the subject;

1) He remembers his brother being taken away from home when he didn''t want to leave, and him being left with me at home, which made him really upset.

2) He remembers the incident in which he and his brother were intimidated and then had to witness me being physically abused.

3) He remembers not wanting to go and being scared.

4) He told me how, if he decides to stay with me, while his brother goes with my ex, "she tells me what she did with him while I wasn''t there and shows me all the toys and where they went which makes me feel sad.. I think it''s a bit "ner ner ner ner ner", isn''t it? Do they call it jeering?".

5) He told me his routine carefully and clearly.

6) He said sometimes he wants to see her, but she doesn''t even wash him properly "she gave me a greasy bath, only used soap to wash me and then washed my hair with just water, it''s annoying!"

As you can see.. he''s exceptionally bright and very aware of all of the circumstances. He even sites his own mother jeering at him about "look at all this stuff you missed out on", which is pretty nasty behaviour in my book.

To top this all with almost complete neglect (no homework, reading, spelling, washing, clothing properly.. etc)..

Thanks for the encouragement.. I just hope I can get through this......

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