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Ex has admitted that she turned son against me

  • halfadad
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07 Apr 12 #322149 by halfadad
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Hi everyone thanks for your replies.

Fiona - There is no chance of anything being amicably arranged between us. My only option would be to go back to court and see if the fact that she had admitted alienating on purpose made any difference or not.

Tish - I would be willing to do any sort of contact anywhere with anyone. When this started I was unprepared for the sheer sillyness of family law and pushed for things to progress .. i wouldnt make that mistake again.

I just dont know what to do, i dont know if it makes enought difference. they arent going to have him live with me, and if he still is "emotionally distressed" at the thought of seeing me because of it all and ex still wont help does it really matter that she admitted it!

  • stepper
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07 Apr 12 #322153 by stepper
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Good post mwahppet - you sound a very responsible and caring mum who puts the interests of the children first. That is the best way to be. You say you have an open door for the children''s dads at all times. I am sure this will ultimately pay dividends for both you and your children.

  • MissTish1
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07 Apr 12 #322157 by MissTish1
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Mwahppet, you are just like me, I never restricted contact for my boys with their dad, and never viewed him as any less important than me. We are equal as parents and equal in our love for our boys. Fathers don''t love their children any less than mothers. Fact. Your children will grow up happy and balanced because of your selflessness. I know that, cos mine did :)

Halfa .. just because your son has so cruelly been alienated, it doesn''t mean you cannot build a relationship with him. It will take time, and will require small steps and possibly Family Therapy & help from professionals, but its not impossible. Sadly, because of what mum has done to him, its likely he will suffer eventually, because one day he will see for himself what she has done. Therefore, in my opinion, starting to build your relationship with him asap & showing him you''re not the devil could go a long way to helping his long term mental well-being.

  • Emma8485
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07 Apr 12 #322159 by Emma8485
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I agree - Im now getting over the issues I was having with my eldest because I have relaxed the contact they have with their dad - technically its Weds night and alternate weekends, but we vary now according to overnights with her mates, my work pattern, his work pattern etc and I am really seeing the benefit of it

By contrast my partners little girl has been subject to alienation - according to CAFCASS it hasnt worked thankfully but they state that it has caused her emotioanl harm.

All you can do is keep trying - these kids will grow up one day and the parents guilty of contact blocking and alienation will have to explain themselves.

Chin up x

  • rugby333
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07 Apr 12 #322186 by rugby333
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You are not going to like this, but this advice comes with a huge amount of experience of this precise issue.

Don''t go back to court under any circumstances: the court is powerless to help you, it will worsen the situation with your children and it will keep you in this distructive cycle.

The central issue is how your ex wife feels about you. She can change this situation almost immediately if she wants too.

The problem is your ex wife wants to emotionally control you which is why she has orchestrated this outcome. Although it may not feel like it from where you are sitting, this is a tragic outcome for her: she basically hankers for the person and life she used to have and simply cannot/will not move on. Ultimately there is a real risk for her that she wastes the rest of her life loving/hating you.

One of you now has to be the bigger person and she is not capable of being that bigger person....

So, the only way you have a relationship with your children is to grovel to your prisoner!

Tell her your sorry, tell her she''s a brilliant mother. Tell her whatever she wants to hear. She will then torture you for fun and for a while. But it will work and by the end of the year you will be seeing your children again.

I know how painful this is to read. I know after all she has done this seems so unfair. But this really is the only way and for your children this is infinitely the best outcome from here.

  • fairylandtime
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07 Apr 12 #322189 by fairylandtime
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You are 100% right & I have also tried like mad to keep my kids involved with my x, I would never restrict contact & have suggested more contact on special days / just popping in for both my x & his family, it is the parents that have divorced not the children.

However, I am not sure on the shared care type arrangement whereby part of the week kids are at one parents & the rest the other, don''t get me wrong i am sure that if worked hard at it could work, unfortunately not been in that situation & I take my hats off to those that can make it work.

As a RP I would not think myself superior to the NRP as both parents were there at the beginning & should alway be ther for their children.

You can only do the best that you can & try & do the best for your children, as a RP I think I do this, but if I were the NRP for either of mine then I would do the same.

I think e problem is that 50:50 care takes compromise & work & quite often one in the party one give that.

Halfadad - you are doing you best & I would keep at it be there for your son in anyway you can, one day he will realise that regardless as to how mum has been & I hope that day comes soon for you, I admire furthers like you & wish that all were the same.


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