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Is mum enough - Radio 5 live

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09 Apr 12 #322652 by Joe2020
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To re-cap.

A child who has a good mother and a good father in their lives,regardless of whether those parents live together is better off.

That applies to children who grow up to be very successful or those who end up nowhere.

If you disagree then please tell me the advantages of growing up without a mum or dad.

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09 Apr 12 #322654 by Shi Tong
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Dr Daddy,

Probably the most worrying thing is that police and officials take very little notice of a woman who is actually abusive. Unless they can find physical evidence it''s ignored and the person suffering the abuse- which is the father AND the kids- are just expected to grin and bare it.

I remember having the police over here after my ex physically abused me in front of the children; he asked me "are you scared of her", baring in mind I''d just been physically abused, and I said "yes". He smirked a bit and said "No, you have to be ACTUALLY scared of her", I said "well I am", then he said.... "look, do you think she might kill you?" and I said "I''m not sure, but I guess no.... unless she''s in a temper".

The policeman looked at me and smirked again and said "I think it''s a no, really isn''t it?" so I said "ok"... but I was still in shock.

If a woman is abused the police practically leave flowers.

It''s not right either way- men to attack women- or the other way around.

I''m sure you ALL agree anyway!! :)

Just hope it doesn''t affect my chances in court - the abuse is "disproved" somehow...

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09 Apr 12 #322655 by Joe2020
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DrDaddy wrote:

Well there are lies, damn lies, and statistics. The first thing that even a superficial interest in politics teaches you is that you can manipulate statistics to misrepresent almost anything.



Depends if the statistics come from a organisation that is bias or not maybe.


Also if you took 10 different surveys/statistics on the same subject from a variety of organisations and they basically came to the same conclusion then you have to give those figures some respect.

In the case of fatherless children I''d be pretty sure 10 surveys would come to the same conclusions.

Just my opinion.

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09 Apr 12 #322665 by startagain
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It depends on the break up.

There are couples who drift apart and don''t get on, there are blokes who run off with another woman and there are women who have an affair and kick their husband out and move their new bloke in within the same week, as my ex did.

My ex worked very very hard to freeze me out of the kids lives and replace me with here new bloke who at the time of the affair had a 5 year old and a 4 month pregnant partner.

I have my kids 6 nights out of 14 and half schools holidays and have to pay my ex 2k in CM. I have to rent a 3 bed house at two a half times what my ex and her BF pay in mortgage. I live beyond my means to support and spend time with my kids.

Sure my kids to not suffer from financial poverty, but emotional poverty? that open to debate. My ex putting her personal life before her children has had an impact.

I think there is a lot about how useless men are with being a parent and there are lots of stuff about how crap fathers are after divorce, sure there are lots of blokes who walk off and have little or nothing to do with there kids and there any lots of men who work very hard to maintain support and contact with their children after being cheated on.

I think its an issue of a father either being removed or removing themselves from a child''s life these are two different matters and consequences.

My ex sees me as free child care that fasicitates her quality time with he boyfriend rather than a father. I feel like a old brother or a kind uncle than a father and I think the system supports this, lumping the father that has worked hard to play an active role in their kids live with the fathers that don''t.

Yes kids need both a mother and a father

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09 Apr 12 #322669 by sillywoman
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Of course children need a mother and a father. I stayed in an abusive marriage for years. My children often found me depressed and in bed because of their father''sactions towards me. The children loved their dad. He was to everyone and to the children a "good" dad, but of course he wasn''t. By abusing me it was affecting the kids.

I eventually didnt take him back because of his last affair and it got worse for a bit, the children missed him and he had little, still is having very little to do with them and whatever he has to do with them always involves slating me.

I would love our girls to have a supportive relationship with their father but sadly that will never happen and I finally accept that. They are 3 of the most beautiful talented children out and it used to hurt me that he could not separate his feelings of hatred towards me from his relationship with the girls. Doesn''t matter now, we have a very happy home.

Two parents are best for a child if they are supportive,whether together or not, but sadly when parents split up, one might move away, one might "hate" the other, as my ex does me, one might have a new love to concentrate on so the kids take a back seat.

Then the kids suffer.

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10 Apr 12 #322671 by DrDaddy
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Shi Tong wrote:

Dr Daddy,
I remember having the police over here after my ex physically abused me in front of the children; he asked me "are you scared of her", baring in mind I''d just been physically abused, and I said "yes". He smirked a bit and said "No, you have to be ACTUALLY scared of her", I said "well I am", then he said.... "look, do you think she might kill you?" and I said "I''m not sure, but I guess no.... unless she''s in a temper".

The policeman looked at me and smirked again and said "I think it''s a no, really isn''t it?" so I said "ok"... but I was still in shock.


This is where is becomes much more serious Shi Tong. Ok, so I''ve tolerated some nasty verbal and emotional abuse, and occasional minor physical stuff, but one wonders how far things would have to go before this kind of behaviour is actually taken seriously.

There is something very wrong somewhere, isn''t there.

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10 Apr 12 #322674 by DrDaddy
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Joe2020 wrote:

Depends if the statistics come from a organisation that is bias or not maybe.


Don''t get me wrong - I do believe that fathers are serious marginalised and undervalued.

I''m not saying these stats are wrong per se, but stats in general are so often misrepresented and misused, or just not understood properly. It''s definitely important to have a good dig into the primary research from which they are drawn.

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