A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Clarification if anyone can help

  • BIGFOOT600
  • BIGFOOT600's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Apr 12 #322601 by BIGFOOT600
Topic started by BIGFOOT600
I went to see my son saturday. After the last court hearing I was allowed to spend time with him in a entertainment centre. So was looking forward not to be stuck in a room of a contact centre. Got to my destination only to receive a phone call saying that my son does not want to see me. I know that he is being alienated towards me as I''ve said in previous threads. I thought well if he can say this I am never in the forseeable future going to see him again.

It was only last night that I was told even though my son cn say no. That he is not of a appropriate age to say so and that he will be made "however harsh that sounds for now" to see me regardless until he is 11? Would I need this to be enforced by the court or solicitor? Anyone help please

  • MissTish1
  • MissTish1's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
09 Apr 12 #322606 by MissTish1
Reply from MissTish1
I forget how old your son is, but certainly the school of thought with very young children is that they don''t get a choice. There have been countless threads on Wiki on this very subject, with posts from both RP''s saying they don''t think their child/ren should have to see the nrp if they don''t want to, and from nrp''s saying they''ve had contact thwarted because the child has said they don''t want to see them. A perfect example of not giving a child a choice is that you would still make them go to school if they don''t want to, you still make them go to bed at bedtime when they don''t want to.

It therefore stands to reason that young children are fickle, but don''t get to make choices that affect important issues. I feel sure that if your son had been made to come and see you, within a couple of minutes he would have been perfectly happy to be with you.

  • BIGFOOT600
  • BIGFOOT600's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Apr 12 #322609 by BIGFOOT600
Reply from BIGFOOT600
Yes you are quite right but unfortunately the person picking up my son could not force the issue at this moment in time and Iforgot to say my son is 6 next month. Thanks for your posotive response and different outlook in other situations.

  • halfadad
  • halfadad's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
09 Apr 12 #322622 by halfadad
Reply from halfadad
Hi bigfoot.

In theory they shouldnt be allowed to choose, but my son of the same age was allowed to.

Is you ex saying that he is upset / distressed or just that he is saying doesnt want to go? What reasons does he give?

  • BIGFOOT600
  • BIGFOOT600's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Apr 12 #322628 by BIGFOOT600
Reply from BIGFOOT600
Hi Halfdad.

The only information I have is that he didn''t want to see me. All I can put it down to is that due to the length of time I was unfortunately awayfrom him due to solicitors and other hurdles made by the ex. He does not see me as his father. He has heard how it was all my fault due to the breakdown in relationship between his mum and me and what with the new relationship she made with someone else. My son sees him as his dad. He also dislikes me and as it stands is going to try and adopt my son once he gets married to the ex. So I have 2 people who my son is living with telling him whatever they want and I as yet have not been able to say anything because I know he is not of any age to understand the whole situation. I am sorry to hear your situation. This information I got was through a friend who had gone through the same situation a few years ago. Where her daughter did not want to see her mum but was forced to by the courts kicking or screaming until th age of 11. It works out for the past 6-7 years the daughter is quite happy now living with her mum even though of the situation all those years ago to begin with.

  • Fiona
  • Fiona's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
10 Apr 12 #322675 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
It depends on the situation. When children are a bit clingy, just don''t feel like going for contact or don''t want to leave because they are involved in something else sticking to a routine and insisting they go can help them maintain a good relationship with both parents. On the other hand if a child is scared or worried insisting on contact without addressing the underlying problem can be counter productive.

The same applies to school. A wise parent would insist a child goes to school when they just don''t feel like going or are worried about a row for something they have/haven''t done. To insist a child attends school if the child has continuously been bullied and suffers depression could be disastrous.

  • halfadad
  • halfadad's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Apr 12 #322697 by halfadad
Reply from halfadad
Hi

Then I guess its similar to my story, i think whether they make him or not will depend on the skill of your exs manipulation!

They will make him, as long as he doesnt get too distressed (upset is OK, distressed is not) and he isnt saying "mummy says ......."

My ex has recently admited that she used pa, but isnt willing to do anything to undo it! CAFCASS completed missed it!

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11