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Swimming arranged during father''s time - UPDATE

  • C. J.
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11 Apr 12 #322976 by C. J.
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Mum to Boys, I do understand what you are saying as I too have friends who are single & the fathers aren''t interested - it is a daily struggle & like you say Mon-Fri does consist of daily chores & school runs etc. In my partners defence though he''d love to help with this to ease the pressure off mum by helping out in the week etc but she enjoys playing the martyr & won''t let go.

My partner is going to call the leisure centre today regarding the swimming lessons.

Do you think we should put our proposals in writing to keep it documented for court? Mum is not speaking to my partner at the moment anyway as she''s accused our dog of creating a bruise on one of the girls elbows when in actual fact it was an accident & she did it to herself by bumping her funny bone on a door frame. Our pug x now needs training as hes a welfare concern regarding him around the children! :angry:

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11 Apr 12 #322979 by happyagain
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When my husband''s ex booked their son into Friday night cricket without consulting dad (Friday night contact had been regularly every other week for nearly a year at this point), the judge told her in no uncertain terms that she would have to be the one driving over to our house at 9pm to drop him off. The younger 2 would continue to be collected at normal time by dad.
This lasted for about 4 months before suddenly cricket wasn''t so important ....;)

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11 Apr 12 #323047 by MissTish1
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Thing is, some RP''s do do these things just to manipulate the NRP''s time, so how does anyone, who believes that is the motive, deal with it? As Happyagain above states, cricket club was suddenly arranged for within the NRP''s time, but clearly the novelty wore off after a dressing down from the Judge. We had the same thing when SD was living with mum. She did a club on a Monday evening (paid for by nan), but mum decided to change it to a Friday evening, our contact evening collection!! My husband works half way between our home and mum''s, so on his Fridays he would drive straight from work to mum''s to collect SD. She decided to change the club to a Friday (when questioned apparently it was ''more convenient'' ... errr, to who exactly?), which didn''t finish until 7.30pm meaning my husband had to come home after work and then set off from our home to collect SD from the club in her ex home town. Okay, not the biggest of inconveniences when all said and done, but it did cost extra in petrol, and time, and as SD had never had tea before her club, we would be feeding her at 8.30pm, which wasn''t ideal. Also, half the time she didn''t go to this club, but mum would only inform my husband at 6 or 6.30 when she knew he would be home, rather than before he finished work so he could just drive straight over from work and get SD.

If all contact time taken up by the child''s extra activities were replaced, then it just wouldn''t be an issue.

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11 Apr 12 #323056 by PinkDuck
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We had something similar but from a different perspective in that mum had organised dance classes for the girls on Saturday morning but when dad had the children on Saturdays (once a month)she wouldnt provide their dance kits or tell him what time or where the class was as she didn''t want him ''defiling'' the kids friendships with the other kids, or her friendships with the other parents with lies. So kids miss out when dad would be happy to take them, so I guess there are two sides to every story.

Also mum booked a (surprise) Justin Beiber concert for the eldest in dads time, didn''t ask, just said, I will pick her up from you at 6pm and drop her back at 10.30pm ish. She was 7. Dad said no, as he wasn''t consultedand as she didnt know anyway it wouldnt affect her, mum banked on dad not wanting to let little one down.

Guess what mummy did. She told the 7 year old ''that she had bought her tickets to Justin Beiber but daddy wouldn''t let her go'' so one very unhappy 7 year old. Dad felt he had to stand his ground as things like this were constantly happening, parties, parents visiting, days out etc, so I stepped in (rightly or wrongly) and bought tickets to the same concert and dad took her. Result, one happy, very tired 7 year old and one disgruntled mummy who hasn''t done it since.

  • C. J.
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11 Apr 12 #323058 by C. J.
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We have found out that that the ex has not only booked the swimming lessons up to mid-May but she''s also gone as far as to also book the lessons from mid-May up to the end of July. Great!:unsure:

I know some people may see this is petty but the NRP also does the majority of travelling in order to see their children. We spend a fortune in fuel every month so doing additional travelling back to mums area for parties and swimming will cost nearly double.

Annoyingly our fuel bill falls just below the threashold which allows a variation from the CSA for travel expenses.

Plus due to mum not thinking her CSA payments cover what she needs to keep spoiling the girls every month because she''s that incecure as a parent so she feels the need to compete - she is purposly dragging out overnight contact so it takes my partner longer to get a reduction for that.

The next hearing is scheduled for October time but I''d be shocked if they will manage it until then! I wouldn''t be surprised if the dog is called in to question at the next hearing! :ohmy:

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11 Apr 12 #323059 by PinkDuck
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You need to make a stand. Give the children the choice ''do you want to go swimming?'' if they choose not to go mum will soon realise she cannot manipulate your time with the children and they will miss one lesson in four. It happens. She will get over it and if she is paying why worry.

As time is so limited a judge will take into consideration the impact on quality time with dad and also see straight through mums antics. Keep all the correspondence relating to asking her to book in her own time, back it up with other swimming courses the pool offers, so she can''t say they dont do it at any other time.

Make your stand or forever allow mum to dictate. It will only get worse.

  • C. J.
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11 Apr 12 #323061 by C. J.
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Thanks Mwahppet, yes this is what we intend to do. Just waiting for my partner to call the leisure centre to see if they do other days. We also plan to send a copy of the letter to the judge for the court file as too many issues have occurred over the past 3 years that have not improved and I don''t suspect it''s going to get much easier either.

Well they will be missing a lesson in May as we have all been invited to a friends christening and after party that the girls know and are also looking forward to attending. I know they are looking forward to this more than swimming as they have a new dress to wear ;)

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