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I can''t believe it what ex husband is doingkids

  • louie33
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14 Apr 12 #323617 by louie33
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Ex husband told our son and daughter as to why the marriage broke down some of truth and some lies. The kids spent 5 days with him I was warned this may happen and son and daughter want someone to tell him about his behavior suspected this would happen.we are divorce and the finances are still being sorted out and may be this is why this happen. I am considering casfcass as I am greatly concern for Children well being and contact they are having father is appearing unheathly.

Please help any one feel so sad for the children.:(

  • Bobbinalong
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14 Apr 12 #323619 by Bobbinalong
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Best you can do is pass comment to him not to involve the kids in adult matters, this does happen a lot.
There is not a lot you can do.
If they ask you anything, you may choose to put them right on one or two points, but, my ex does he same. I just tell the kids if they want to know I will tell them when they are older, as, it''s not fair to talk to them about it now, they understand.
She tells them stuff like I used to through plates around etc, I said to my daughter have you ever seen me do that, she says no, I concluded by saying then stick to what you know is true, that''s all.

Don''t know how old your kids are but, they should not be involved.
But as I say not a lot you can do except mention to him he should not discuss it with them.

You know in the long run, kids vote with their feet, and generally they spend more time or give more to the more ''adult'' parent, shall we say.

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14 Apr 12 #323621 by louie33
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Well apericate thoughts the children are 9 10 and throughly fed up of being treated like this.

Thanks again

  • sillywoman
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14 Apr 12 #323622 by sillywoman
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Unfortunately our daughters are older and were more than well aware of what went on in our marriage and why their mother was in bed depressed on many occasions. They heard, they saw, they concluded.

On the couple of occasions they have spoken to their dad, he has been extremely bitter about me, nasty and spiteful, although he is with another woman and lives with her.

Although I will be the first to say that he was a brilliant dad to them when they were small, i.e. took them places, joined activities with them, homework, helped with their tea and evening to me and as a very angry individual now because I wont take him back he is just pushing his daughters away even further.

I would say to you, just put the children right if needs be, otherwise just let it go.

  • Shezi
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14 Apr 12 #323676 by Shezi
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Hi louie

I''m sorry to hear your children are struggling with this. I think Bobbin''s approach is a good one... they are old enough to have a view on things. What children learn the most from (over time) is consistency. If you are consistently fair about dad with them, they will learn that from you. You are so not in control of what they will learn from their father (either way) and tearing your hair out over it will, unfortunately, interfere with your fairness toward him. I would focus on what they are learning from you and leave him to it.

I know that, as a parent, we desire to protect our children at all costs but children somehow have to navigate the waters of adolescence.. they have to learn about adult relationships. Your part of this shared responsibility is to teach them what you can. His is the same.

I have met so few people who are able to agree on parent strategies (and behaviours) in divorce. My ex and I didn''t agree either. But my children are now 27 and 29; my 29 yr old is parenting three of her own. We talk... it''s interesting to hear what my children learned. One is married, the other marries next year - the fact that I didn''t put them off marriage is a success in itself :)

Shezi

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