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Mummy strikes again!!!

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14 Apr 12 #323668 by PinkDuck
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BF has very defined contact order which allows telephone contact every third day.

Dad has tried Wed/Thurs/Fri and Sat to contact kids mum just not answering home phone or mobile.

This is him (and ultimately the kids) being punished for dad having to work last week and being unable to have kids which resulted in affecting mums plans.

Can my BF write to the Judge who dealt with the contact order to as Judge laid down in no uncertain terms that mum must obey this order as she had been so obstructive throughout all the hearings or does he have to lodge a court application?

Advice please.
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  • Fiona
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14 Apr 12 #323670 by Fiona
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Are court proceedings ongoing? If not your partner would need to apply for enforcement, although it has to be said enforcing phone calls is difficult.
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  • MrsMathsisfun
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14 Apr 12 #323671 by MrsMathsisfun
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Personally I would let it go. If she stop actual contact then you will have no choice.

Let her punish him for his ''''bad behaviour''''. Its sad that the woman is like this and I can understand knowing the history behind it all why you want her to realise that its just not on but truthfully the children wont be that damaged by a couple of missed phone calls. More hostility between the parents will.
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  • mumtoboys
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14 Apr 12 #323685 by mumtoboys
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whilst I agree, it''s punishing the children to get back at him, what happened to trigger this? Has your partner followed his side of the Order or has he genuinely left mum in the lurch? I think she''s a teacher (?) if I remember correctly so obviously she wouldn''t need childcare but she may well have made plans, made bookings etc. which she had to cancel?

I know I''m being reasonable about someone who is genuinely 100% unreasonable but it is frustrating to have things messed up (if that is what has happened?)
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14 Apr 12 #323691 by PinkDuck
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Mumtoboys: Its a cas eof never being able to do the right thing.

When he had to go away last time he asked mum 3 months in advance to have the kids she said ''pay me then'' he said forget it I will make other arrangements. I took 2 days unpaid leave to have them (as no holiday left). The day he left for his course she said ''I am not having them being left with anyone else but me if your away'' and would not let me have the kids. You can see my blog and previous posts relating to this. Although fair enough (I would probably have done the same).

But this time he told her two weeks in advance (the day he knew himself - he is self employed) that he couldn''t have the kids, and as she said she didn''t want them being left with anyone but her he was letting her know he couldnt'' have them. She was not happy, said he had to sort childcare as it was his time, he couldn''t sort childcare as I couldn''t get time from work as all the Easter Hols had been booked, his mom was and still is ill, his brother lives in London so our circle of childminders/babsitters for two over night and 3 days is very limited and what we could have organised would have meant a massive amount of shuffling about for the kids as it would have been a couple of hours here, and there, then me in the evening.

It just seemd it wasn''t ''convenient'' for her this time as she had something to do.
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14 Apr 12 #323693 by mumtoboys
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hmmm.....kind of reap what we sow situation?

it''s hard. My ex had a habit of dumping the children on me at a few days notice so he could go on holiday and frankly, it''s not something easy to cope with if you''ve made plans. And I am big on being allowed to make plans following a normal contact pattern, months in advance, because you should be able to rely on the other parent having the children when they''re supposed to. If you were living together, you would book a holiday 6 months or more in advance, or tickets to see a favourite band or something so I don''t see why it should be any different when separated, bar emergencies, broken necks, serious illness, fire and brimstone, end of the world scenarios...!

If your partner is in a situation where he''s only going to get short notice (and 2 weeks is short notice) of him needing to change contact arrangements, then somehow I would think this needs to be formally agreed with the ex and decisions made on how it''s going to be managed? Of course, I''m talking normal ex not leaning out of bedroom window filming handovers and I draw a blank at being able to advise on how to manage that one! I just wanted to suggest that maybe it''s not unreasonable to want to rely on contact arrangements and have more than 2 weeks notice of changes....will shut up now!
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14 Apr 12 #323698 by PinkDuck
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Yeah I get that, being a single parent myself for so many years and having to shelve my plans on countless occasions I really do get it.

What I don''t get is why it is ok to interfere with dads childcare arrangements when it suits her, and then, when dad does what she wants (albeit short notice) that doesn''t suit as she has plans and then she is happy for any Tom, Dick or Harry to look after them.

If she had just let it ride last time I would have had to take unpaid leave again this time and she could have carried on with her plans, I just feel there is just no pleasing some people. I wish (I really wish) there was an open line of communication to discuss these sorts of things but there isn''t and I can''t see there ever being so at this rate. If we offer an olive branch (and there have been many) it is treated as a suspect bomb and thrown right back at us and we have never had an olive branch sent out from her.
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