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Things turned ugly!

  • AnnoyedMummy
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15 Apr 12 #324024 by AnnoyedMummy
Topic started by AnnoyedMummy
My phone was stolen recently, on it holding all the texts, and a lot of incriminating evidence against my ex. I''m pretty damn sure it was one of his friends, but without his name, the Police can''t do anything.

So I text my ex the new number today, but it didn''t go to well.

He as usual, told me it was my fault no contact was arranged, and that I should have text him saying he was allowed to see her.

It ended up with all contact being cancelled, and him saying he wouldn''t speak to me anymore, and was taking it back to court, and would be going for full custody.

I know he wouldn''t be awarded full residence (CAFCASS report previously listed him as dangerous, and no unsupervised contact was allowed. Had loads of things lined up to see if he could have unsupervised, and he didn''t do any of them) but would the courts even entertain his application?

He failed to appear in court, the case was then dismissed, he had oppurtunity to have it re-listed and he didn''t bother. It''s been a well over a year since it was all finished with.

  • sexysadie
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15 Apr 12 #324033 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Oh dear.

I can''t imagine that he has any chance at all of this, even if he even follows it through, which on his past record he may not. Try not to panic and just let things take their course.

Next time, see if you can find a way to transfer texts etc. to your computer so that they can''t be removed from you so easily.

Was it you who cancelled all contact, or him?

Best wishes,

  • AnnoyedMummy
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15 Apr 12 #324039 by AnnoyedMummy
Reply from AnnoyedMummy
Both of us. I told him to stop messing her around, and that if he didnt start to buck up his ideas, I would cancel the contact (court says if he doesnt consistantly attend, contact can be stopped).
He then turned around and said he wasnt talking to me anymore and that he was taking me back to court, but ''this time for full custody''. He hasnt text me back since then.

  • WhiteRose
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15 Apr 12 #324048 by WhiteRose
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Hi AM,

From memory doesn''t he have to have contact in a contact centre - or defined supervised pre-agreed place?

That contact has to be pre-arranged .........

If so, why is it your fault no contact was arranged?

I think things are getting het up again and one of you (you?) needs to be the bigger person. Even if it means you get your diaries out and write out the next 6 months worth of contact, where, when, who''s doing the supervising and what time. You both then are aware of your responsibilities and all you need to do is note down in a diary/journal if he doesn''t stick to the contact.

If the flash point is that you are unable to communicate without things getting heated, minimise the amount of contact you have with each other, get as much pre-arranged for a decent chunk of time - could you enlist your or his parents or responsible family member to be a third party for the pre-arrangements?

WR x

  • AnnoyedMummy
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16 Apr 12 #324155 by AnnoyedMummy
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Its not in a contact centre (it was supposed to be, but his solicitor failed to sort their end out, and it never happened). We meet in a neutral venue, but have to arrange it between us so we know when to go.

We previously arranged block times, so set out the next however many sessions, but if he was busy, he would cancel and say he would just se her the next time, but at monthly, thats a while in between. We started just arranging it every month, him texting saying i''m free these days, are you, me saying I can do this day what time, him saying the time and then thats that.
It broke down though, when he wouldnt text me to arrange anything and then blame me saying I should have text him.

I don''t know if a go between person would work. His mum won''t talk to me, and my mum won''t talk to him. My mum used to supervise the contact before, but hated it.

We don''t contact each other a lot, its supposed once a month, but its usually less.

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