Ex messing us all around AGAIN !!!! GRRRRR!!!!!

Can''t believe this is winding me up so much still, and I should be used to it by now but..

Kids only seen Dad for one weekend so far this year, should be fortnightly. Had a text this morning to say no can do again this weekend, but will have them on Bank Holiday weekend as long as he can return them at midday instead of 4pm.

We meet halfway between both houses so its a 4 hour chunk of my day to pick them up and drop off. If he is having them, this means I can''t do anything on the BH Monday as I''ll be dashing around to collect them. Was supposed to be going camping so this will mean getting up at silly o-clock to get packed up and to meeting point which frankly I''m not prepared to do. (Not witholding contact, just sick of being messed about).

Read something this week about telling him that unless he brings them back at usual time then kids will not be able to come as I''m not able to collect them. Past experience tells me that even if he does agree to 4pm this is likely to be followed by threats on the day if I don''t get there by 3pm, 2pm or earlier.

I read so much about parents being prevented from seeing their kids, my stbx can''t be arsed even though they''re being offered on a plate, and yet he still wants to make sure he''s home by 2pm on Bank Holiday rather than spend every last minute he can with his kids?

Any advice as to how I can word a text message to this effect? In a way that can''t be misconstrued by his solicitor as me witholding contact?

Thanks in advance

How about:

''I am sorry but I am not available to have the children back that day before 4pm. Please could you therefore keep them until that time.''

It is then up to him whether he has them or not but you have not withheld contact in any way. If he does make threats on the day, just ignore them - he''s not likely to threaten not to return them at all, is he?

Best wishes,
Sadie

I think you need to be firm too, my ex is always sending the kids back early, and although I love them to bits, its a pain when youve arranged stuff!

How about this -

Hi, sorry but I''m going camping over the Bank Holiday weekend and will be unable to collect the children until 4pm on Monday 7th May as per current arrangement.

I also want him to know that if he''s insistant on being an arse then its no sweat off my nose, also that if 4 hours is going to be a problem then I''m sure another weekend without seeing Daddy after 9 on the trot isn''t going to bother the kids, so how do I politely tell him that they can come camping with me if he''s going to be a bully again? Something like ''if this is going to be a problem then they can come camping instead for the weekend''?

I would say what your doing as it further grounds for arguement.

I would say I have an prearranged commitement which means I will not be able to collect the children until 4pm as per our current arrangement.

If I say I have an undefined prior committment he''s likely to text me at 3pm on Friday before to cancel (I''ve lost count of the times I''ve picked the kids up from school with their weekend bags in the car just to go home and unpack...).

If I show that I can be flexible whether or not he has the kids then he''s hopefully going to get the message that I''m not going to let him mess me about again.

Any thoughts?

Its difficult you know your ex better than us.

We learnt with my partners ex not to tell her the reason why we wanted arrangements to be changed and since we did that we have had less hassle.