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Should he have a paternity test done?

  • mumtoboys
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18 Apr 12 #324731 by mumtoboys
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I think there is a world of difference between knowing there is a possibility that one or both of the children aren''t biologically yours and saying the ''right'' things with ''it doesn''t matter, I''ll love them and support them regardless'' and then actually finding out that they are not biologically yours. Worse still, potentially realising one child is his and one child isn''t. Assuming he had an average, regular sex life with his ex, and she was having sex elsewhere, I guess there is every possibility that one or both children could be someone elses.

It''s a life-changing thing. You can''t possibly know how you''ll feel about it until you''re actually facing it. I struggle to believe that it wouldn''t make a difference to how any man felt, even if able to ignore it and continue as normal. I would suggest if he wants to pursue a test he gets some professional support in dealing with the results prior to pursuing the test as potentially, the whole thing is devastating for everyone concerned.

As an aside, if she is hell-bent on blocking contact and he is now forced to drag the issue through court to deal with it, he really does need to be raising his concerns on a ''now or never'' basis. Hard decision to make.

  • hawaythelads
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18 Apr 12 #324733 by hawaythelads
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No bloke wants to pay for two kids that ain''t his.Not when he''s been duped.Not with that short a timescale of developing a relationship as this.
If it''s been 5 or so years all living together as a family then ok but not when he was hardly with the woman anyway.
All this pc bollox of I want the kids even if they''re not mine is quite frankly bollox.
No one will have the balls to say it on here buit that''s how it is. I''m right again.

HRH xx

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18 Apr 12 #324740 by dukey
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Pete some men do raise kids that are not theirs and do it very well, i did it for years with no regrets, my brother is raising a grand daughter that is not his, but you would never know it, apart from when he is at work they are like two peas in a pod.

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18 Apr 12 #324743 by hawaythelads
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Dukey,
To clarify if a bloke has been duped by the woman into believing the kid is his he will not be that happy.
Not that men won''t want to raise kids that aren''t theirs if it''s all upfront.
Like you date a woman who already has kids or even if she''s been honest about not being sure who''s it is and letting the bloke choose.
I did say no bloke who''s been duped, and even clarified that by saying if it''s been a long formed relationship then the bloke might have a good enough bond with the kid despite the womans appalling behaviour.But that ain''t applicable in this case.

All the best
Pete

  • Jenna29
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18 Apr 12 #324832 by Jenna29
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Sadie - But if he battles through the courts for years to get regular contact, which in the meantime continues to be witheld, and she then turns around and says one/both aren''t his then he isn''t going to get to be their father anyway. Imagine if he went through all that and then one day he got the kids and they told him they aren''t his. It would break his heart, and theirs, even more so than it would now. Surely it''s in the childrens best interests to know the truth now when contact has been sporadic rather than after they''ve formed a stronger attachment to him?

Pixy - I haven''t said it''s about me, I have no desire for him to ''ditch his kids.'' In an ideal world, I''d love for them to come and live with us but just think it''s better if everyone knows where they stand. I doubt very much that if it were discovered in two years time that one/both weren''t his, and he had only seen them a handful of times during this time, that a Judge would order that contact continue to take place.

Mumtoboys - That''s the thing, he had a very irregular sex life with his ex which makes the chances of the kids being his lower. Also, after the birth of the first child she put him on a ban for several months...but there is exactly a year between the children.

Pete - He doesn''t care about being duped, even though he only lived with them for the first 1.5/2.5 respectively years of their life - that''s an awful long time to love a child and have them taken away from you.

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18 Apr 12 #324844 by hawaythelads
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i will reiterate no bloke wants to pay for kids if they are not theirs end of thats the truth take it from there
All the best
hrh x

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19 Apr 12 #324867 by halfadad
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If hes only had sporadic contact with them through his choice and 1 isnt his the judge will not give him contact.

Is hes only had sporadic contact with them through the ex flouting a contact order and 1 isnt his the judge will still let him havae contact.

Personally I wouldnt do it.

With the best will in the world it will change everything. It best to assume they are his and proceed accordingly.

The last thing you need is to give the ex ammo to the kids about him not wanting them!

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