A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Should he have a paternity test done?

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 Apr 12 #324992 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Rugby - are you speaking from personal experience on this?

  • soulruler
  • soulruler's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Apr 12 #325051 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
Rugby, I think that the cost of divorce has never been so high for all of society, men, women, children, the tax paying public, business and courts.

There are an overwhelming number of divorces churning through UK courts. I know that some solicitors wrack up costs - I have two global solicitors, one national solicitors, one regional solicitor, one national High Court ENforcement Officer, one national insolvency practitioner and my husband and his new wife all acting against me to wrack up costs.

Mine is a small money case and although my case is following Imerman v Tchenquiz - both multi million pound business families - the Tchenquiz brothers whilst undergoing ones divorce were also responsible basically for bankrupting Iceland (that is a real insolvency case to ponder over).

Imerman attempted to swell the marital aquest by gaining anton pillar orders for disclosure - falsely really as she must have known that the Tchenquiz brothers fortunes were about to be put under huge scrutiny and personally I think the timing was highly wiffy.

There needs to be a far more practical and objective approach to all law - family law is only a tiny portion of law and has nothing to do with contract, company, liability, trust, or tort.

In case you find my particulars hard to understand I can confirm that the reason my case has become so contentious is that I forsaw (only as I was reading economics and global issues) the financial crash and global debt crisis and made some good financial investments leveraged against the FMH and also on behalf of the money which I am a trustee for. Now I am in the unusal situation these days of the marital assets and non marital assets being worth more than they were 4 years ago.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 Apr 12 #325053 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
The financial costs of divorce have nothing whatsoever to do with the OP''s original question - can we please keep this thread on track?

Ruth

  • rugby333
  • rugby333's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
19 Apr 12 #325067 by rugby333
Reply from rugby333
rubytuesday,

That is simply not true and certainly not my experience. Judges have plenty of latitude on just about every issue relating to divorce and while finances and contact are not technically related, they are in the mind of all judges.

I have countless files and at least five judgements (including from the most senior high court judges in the UK) that have linked contact to finances. To think otherwise is naive.

If someone is paying their maintenance it is usually used by the court as indication of their good character and there is no question that the court will do all it can to ensure that person sees their children and that the mother behave.

And yes, to answer your previous question, I do have enormous experience on this issue!

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 Apr 12 #325072 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
I didn''t say that finances and contact were not linked, but that the original question was not about finances.

And please don''t call me naive :)

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 Apr 12 #325083 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
rugby333 wrote:

.

The starting point should be a child''s right to know who its parents actually are.


The starting point should be the child''s welfare, surely?

I don''t disagree that children should know who their biological parents are, its important to know who we are, and what our genetic heritage is.

But - as others have said, the emotional bond is more important than a genetic bond (think about children who were adopted, and have no interest in finding out who their biological parents are, for example). And telling children that their father isn''t their biological father needs to be handled with great care, and at an appropriate time - and certainly not during a time where there is already great conflict and on-going contact proceedings.

Jenna - you have been given some really good advice here, Forseti has shared his situation and I hope that all this helps. There is already so much going on in your lives at present - you are expecting a child together, you are still sorting out your own divorce, and so is he, then there are the issues over contact for both your children, and the issues you have mentioned that occur at home when his and your children are together. Is it wise to add yet another level of stress on to all this? If he sees his children as his children, and suspects that his ex is using this threat as some form of control then perhaps its enough to concentrate on building on the relationship he already has with them, and making sure that decent contact arrangements are in place?

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Apr 12 #325122 by Jenna29
Reply from Jenna29
Ruby - the problem is, that so long as he doesn''t know for sure whether they''re his or not, he''s going to worry that if he steps out of line then the ex will reveal that one/both isn''t his and stop contact. Therefore this restricts their relationship as he feels as though he just has to keep them happy when he sees them, as opposed to stepping up and putting boundaries in place etc. Also, his ex has demanded he have nothing to do with their schooling etc and for so long as he considers that he might not be the biological father, he will stand back in case defying her means it is revealed by her/via the kids that isn''t their biological father.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11