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Should he have a paternity test done?

  • WhiteRose
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19 Apr 12 #325127 by WhiteRose
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I can understand the gravity of the situation Jenna, but like Ruby says there''s sooooooooo much turbulence at the moment in your lives, you don''t need to create more at this very moment in time. You must be fairly close to your due date?

Can this wait just a little while longer to tackle when there''s less going on for you all?

WR

  • rubytuesday
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19 Apr 12 #325132 by rubytuesday
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I have to be honest, Jenna, it sounds to me like she is using this threat as a way to make sure he does exactly as she wants. I do understand that he needs to know one way or the other - for his own peace of mind, but concentrating on building his relationship with his children needs to be paramount. What if he pulls back from them and then finds out that she has just been full of hot air and malicious threats?

Focus on the emotional bond, rather than the biological one.

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19 Apr 12 #325139 by WhiteRose
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I was also thinking about things from the kids perspectives.

She hasn''t actually voiced the words, its all in implication, so if your partner wanted DNA done - the kids would be distraught - it would come out of the blue for them.

They may not see what has behind it all and may be confused by it all!

What would she tell them?

Maybe its another tactic to provoke a reaction like this and to drive a wedge between them?

If its something she wants to spring on you, as she hints - let her be the one to make the first move.

  • Jenna29
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19 Apr 12 #325143 by Jenna29
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Ruby - she is stopping contact at the moment though so he cannot work on anything unfortunately.

WhiteRose - Sadly, the kids are used to hearing malicious things about their dad and (so far, anyway) don''t tend to listen to their mum or let it impact on their relationship with him. However, I think he would prefer to do a paternity test without her knowing rather than via solicitor and then go on to do a formal one if it came back to not be the result he''d hoped for.

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19 Apr 12 #325175 by hawaythelads
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There''s no relationship to be had if they ain''t his kids end of.
I''d be more asking him what he is fxcking about at he'';s knocked you up can''t pay for that kid and is on about paying his ex for two kids that ain''t even his by her own admission.You two need to get real.Where the feck is this blokes priorities exactly??
Again think you should be concentrating on your current kid and the unborn one rather than him.It''s a mess really.

  • soulruler
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20 Apr 12 #325214 by soulruler
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What is best for all children concerned and what is best for all the adults concerned?

As more information comes to light and more views (which I see as valid) it becomes clear to me that this particular post includes just about all the issues regarding children, parents, absent parents, caring and responsible adults, adoption whether official or unofficial, fostering and how families and step children can or can not get on and how this puts strains on new relationships.

  • .Charles
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20 Apr 12 #325216 by .Charles
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The starting point: Is the father names as such on the birth certificates? If so, there is a presumption of paternity.

The next step: Does the father love the children? If so, it doesn''t matter whether he is the natural father or not - if the children treat him as their father and he treats them like his children, there is a bond there which the court will observe.

The father should make an application for contact if this has been stopped and the mother can raise the issue of paternity if she wishes. If the father seeks a paternity test first, it demonstrates that his feelings for the children are conditional therefore not genuine. It''s Catch 22 in that situation.

The other thing that is worth considering is that the mother may have raised the issue of paternity to ''put off'' the father from having contact. Such a move is not unprecedented.

Charles

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