A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Should he have a paternity test done?

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
20 Apr 12 #325219 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Jenna

You said that the mother has stopped all contact - what is the father doing about this? Is it all contact, or is indirect contact happening (ie phonecalls, letters, etc)?

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Apr 12 #325232 by Jenna29
Reply from Jenna29
Charles - Yes, his name is on the birth certificate. The mother hasn''t necessarily said they may not be his, but she has admitted to numerous affairs and one night stands which obviously raises doubt in his mind. I doubt she would raise the issue of paternity at the moment as obviously she gets a lot of money in maintenance out of the current arrangement where he sees the children very little/not at all. However, if he were to upset her now, or a few years down the line, it is likely that she would throw it into a text or tell the children to tell him that he isn''t their father which obviously makes it much harder on everyone concerned.

Ruby - She has stopped everything, he has never been allowed indirect contact and was seeing them roughly every six weeks but she has stopped this too. He isn''t even sure where they live or where they go to school. His solicitor has written to hers outlining dates he would like contact as she is refusing to have contact with him directly.

  • mumtoboys
  • mumtoboys's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Apr 12 #325235 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
Jenna,
he has to take control of this situation or it''s going to go on and on and on...

Apply for a Contact Order and get it into court. If she''s hell bent on stopping contact and there is a possibility that one or both of the children are not your partners, I would think she will bring it up in court. If she doesn''t bring it up and you go through the court process, should it become an issue later, she''ll have shot herself in the foot because no judge is going to say ''you came to court 3 years ago and didn''t mention it and you''ve let the children have a dad for all that time who has paid maintenance and fought to see them whilst you''ve played silly whatnots...oh, I''ll stop contact all together then ''cos that''s obviously in the best interests of the children''....

Bluntly, he needs to get a grip. Stop padding around the woman and the children, parent them appropriately without fearing what might happen (''cos it probably won''t happen) and drag her through court. He can self rep if money is an issue, there''s lots of support for that here. Call her bluff and deal with it.

  • MissTish1
  • MissTish1's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
21 Apr 12 #325527 by MissTish1
Reply from MissTish1
I''ve been following this thread for a couple of days, and haven''t posted before because I honestly didn''t know what to offer in the form of opinion or advice, mainly because I think that the decision rests with Jenna''s OH. However, I must share something.

The other night I babysat for my best friends littlests (5 and 7) whilst mum, recently separated, went out for a couple of hours. The youngest suddenly said to me ''I wish I had a daddy'', so I popped her onto my lap and told her she did have a daddy, and that even though mummy and daddy weren''t living together anymore, they both loved all of them very very much indeed. Somehow (and I don''t know how) the conversation led on to me and how I fit into my stepdaughter''s life (she came with me to spend time with my friends eldest, who is 12, and they have all known my SD for years), so I tried to explain, in very young terms what a stepmum is etc. Then the littlest one, 5, said ''so you know my mum? Is she my real mummy or my step-mummy?''. Ahem .... I''m not sure how that came about in her head, but of course I assured her her mummy was her real mummy, and she grew in her tummy etc. Clearly there was some confusion, which I did my best to sort out before resorting to storytime :blink:

But, what I''m trying to say, I think, is that very young children don''t have the understanding that older children do. We all know that don''t we? So, for the children, to learn whether Jenna''s partner is their father or not at the young age they are now I think would be far less distressing than learning it when they are older. Therefore, I do think he should do a paternity test.

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
22 Apr 12 #325826 by Jenna29
Reply from Jenna29
Mumtoboys - I agree that he just needs to get on with it and stop worrying about what will happen. His solicitor has written to hers proposing contact dates, if she doesn''t agree/respond then he is going to apply to Court. Finally!

MissTish - I agree that it would be much easier for them to find out now, as opposed to when they are older particularly if contact did happen to become regular and then mum got annoyed that they were getting closer and broke the news out of spite (very likely.) He is still considering what he wants to do and I''ve said I''ll support him whatever he decides but I know it must be a very difficult decision.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11