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Should he have a paternity test done?

  • pixy
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18 Apr 12 #324674 by pixy
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This is an easy one. Either he accepts the children are his irrespective of biology or he doesn''t. If he wants to be their father and treats them as his own children including paying child maintenance then she can''t upset the status quo with a DNA test several years along the line.

Biological paternity may eventually be important to the children when they grow up; it should not be important to anyone else unless the putative father wishes to repudiate them.

  • Jenna29
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18 Apr 12 #324678 by Jenna29
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Pixy - The children are only just 4 and 5 years old. If, in two years time, she tells him they/one of them isn''t his and stops contact then there would be nothing he could do about it and it would be much harder on him and the children than if they found out now.

Soulruler - They aren''t new disclosures, he''s known for some time that she was repeatedly unfaithful but hasn''t wanted to find out in case his fears are realised but at the same time he doesn''t want it hanging over his head forever.

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18 Apr 12 #324680 by soulruler
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Well I think he has had his suspicions based on his belief that she had affairs and also the way she treated both children differently but from the post I would say that she had not before come out and told him that either of the children were not his biolgical offspring.

Neither, would it appear did the man in question come out during the course of the relationship and question his wife as to whether the kids were actually his - I am trying to imagine having as a sensitive person to basically put that allegation to someone else:(

It seems to me that out of the blue the woman in question has thrown this in actually out of spite and by way of controlling the mans emotions in all of this. Also on the original post I think it mentioned that he was allowed more access to one than the other (should have gone back and looked at that first).

Personally, I would not find this an easy situation to cope with either as the man involved or as the new partner of the man involved.

p.s. WOOPS - just gone back to the original thread and see that I got contact right but the reply from Jenna is the original poster in all of this. Sorry, obviously you know the issues here.

  • hawaythelads
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18 Apr 12 #324689 by hawaythelads
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From the circumstances that he separated over a year and a half ago and the kids were only 18 months and 30 months at the time.Contact has since been sporadic.When contact does occur it''s disrupting for your 3 year old in his inability to discipline his potential offspring.And the fact that you are about to give birth to his child that he doesn''t have enough money to support.
I would think that a paternity test is essential so that he''s not lumbered paying for another blokes kids for the next 16 years when he can''t pay for yours.

  • DrDaddy
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18 Apr 12 #324690 by DrDaddy
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soulruler wrote:

I think he needs to take urgent advice very quickly.


Yes, definitely.

If it won''t change how he feels about them, then maybe having a paternity test now is the way to take control of the situation. At least he will know what the truth is. I guess that his ex need not know about it, either.

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18 Apr 12 #324717 by sexysadie
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Hi Jenna,

I look at it this way:

As far as the children are concerned, in social and emotional terms he is their father.

As far as you partner is concerned, in social and emotional terms he is their father.

Paternity tests don''t change that. Maybe in law, but not in practice - though the fact that they were married when the children were born may well mean that he is legally their father anyway. Certainly they are children of the family.

I wouldn''t have a test. What would it do? It might set his mind at rest, but then again it might open a complete can of worms. In any case, what matters is behaving as a parent, not biology. If that weren''t the case, what would be the position of people who adopt, or who use artificial insemination by donor?

I hope a legal person will correct me if I''m wrong, but I don''t think his ex could withhold contact on the basis of a paternity test taken some years down the line. That certainly wouldn''t be in the best interests of the children. And I think Forsetti now has residence of a son who isn''t biologically his.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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18 Apr 12 #324727 by pixy
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The point is that if he treats the children as his, she won''t be able to stop contact based on a DNA test.

Of course the other point is that this is about your partner, not about you. It sounds as though you are trying to rationalise your own desire for him to ditch the children.

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