A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

advice please, ex H threatening to move our D away

  • JulieP
  • JulieP's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324712 by JulieP
Topic started by JulieP
Dear all,
I''m fairly new to this site, and in the midst of a horrendous divorce - nearly a year since I handed over the Petition - and not much progress. STBX is threatening that he wants residence of our daughter (10 years old), and he says he will move to another area with our daughter(2 hours from London), saying he wants to be next to his job, and his job is more important than mine (my job is in London, is about half his salary).

Our daughter has lived in London in the same house since she was born, has lots of friends nearby, her school which she loves, and relatives within 20 minutes. STBX says he will take her away from all this. I replied saying it would be unheard of for a judge to take a daughter away from her mother and put her with a father away from her friends, school, relatives. He says he will work part time and find her a new school.
I have always looked after our daughter on a day to day basis - my stbx has travelled, worked abroad, and was often away for large fractions of the week. I am a normal person and a good parent. I am self representing, but my stbx has spent £30,000 so far, and has lots more to spend on legal fees, he is throwing vast sums at this.

I think my stbx''s plan is bizarre and not in our daughter''s best interests, but I have a question for anyone out there who has experience, is there any way that a judge would grant this to my stbx? My stbx says that judges rule these kind of arrangements these days, and have I not seen the recent cases!

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324718 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Very unlikely, I would say. If you have had the majority of care to date, that is likely to remain the case, and he certainly doesn''t have a good case for uprooting your daughter just to suit his convenience.

At ten your daughter''s wishes would also be considered, though would not be overriding.

Best wishes,
Sadie

  • JulieP
  • JulieP's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324741 by JulieP
Reply from JulieP
Hi, thanks for this. He is also threatening that this will make our daughter very sad as he wants her to be in the court - in some kind of court battle over residence - its all very bizarre. My daughter has always been very frightened of upsetting her father, he is very agressive, and controlling (reason for divorce). I guess CAFCASS have come across this before.

I was wondering if anyone out there has come across any cases where a court has chosen that the daughter lives with the father in a new area, and uproots her from her mother, and her home and friends? What has thrown me, and made me very anxious, is that my stbx says that judges rule this way these days. Does anyone have experience of this, in the case where there is nothing wrong with the mother (ie I am a normal mother)?

  • Emma8485
  • Emma8485's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324761 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
Hi Julie, Take a look at some of my previous posts about my partners case. He is a dad asking for residence, mum has a number of needs, and yet we are still not certain that Cafcass will remove her. There are a number of things they take into account, like who has been the primary carer, where she curretnly lives, her routine, etc etc and generally if there is nothing wrong with your parenting then I believe that this is sufficent.

Also, there is no doubt in my mind that a court is not going to allow him to bring your child out of school and make her sit in court - he perhaps needs reminding that this is real life and not LA law - these cases are private and children very rarely are required to attend court, although if there is a Cafcass report required then they will be interviewed by the Cafcass officer but that not something to worry about right now.

Judges do now (hopefully) give more weight to the NRP which can be a mum or dad, but usually it seems to be dad - and they do now look at shared residence orders but they dont change childrens residence on a whim, and your views on it will be heard.

Until he makes an application to court, it could just be bluster perhaps??

Take Care

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324765 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
He is just trying to scare you into submission - let me do what I want or I will force our daughter to attend court and be party to a terrible fight. This is just not going to happen. Children have no place in family law courts except in very exceptional circumstances and she will not be able to go into court however much he wants her to.

Very occasionally residence is transferred from the historical parent with care. However this only happens in cases of really problematic parenting (where social services might be involved, for example) or occasionally if a parent with care is stubbornly resistant to any contact at all. But in the circumstances you describe he is very unlikely to get what he wants, particularly if you are the one providing stability.

If he does apply to the court then your daughter would probably be seen by CAFCASS, on her own, probably in your home, and they may well be able to see that she is terrified of upsetting him. They would probably also interview both of you and would want to know why he thought such a move would be in her best interests. Him wanting to be nearer his work is not reason enough to uproot a child who has a settled alternative home.

Best wishes,
Sadie

  • rugby333
  • rugby333's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324767 by rugby333
Reply from rugby333
Based on what you have told us, change of residence is not going to happen. If what you say is true, it will take a judge approximately 1 minute to come to that conclusion dependent on how quickly he can read.

Courts only award custody to men if mothers are persistently intransigent on contact with the non resident parent or if the father is a house husband and is already the primary carer.

In your case, there is no contact order for you to be intransigent about and it does not sound like he is a house husband. If therefore he applies for residence then his lawyers will get bollocked for wasting court time. To be honest it is highly unlikely that he will find a set of lawyers who are prepared to make such a ludicrous application to the court.

  • Patrick1968
  • Patrick1968's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
18 Apr 12 #324768 by Patrick1968
Reply from Patrick1968
And rememer the likleyhood of a father getting custody is tiny.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11