I have read through the posts, yet it seems my query isn''t answered - please help.
My husband walked out over a year ago, had very little contact with our two children (age 9 & 13) for 3 months, continuously verbally attacked me (sometimes in front of our children), then one day came round to the house shouting, banging doors/windows & threatening me.
As he wouldn''t calm down & was scaring us, I called the police. He got lippy with the police & was taken into custody. I was asked if I wanted to press charges, but I said no as I only wanted him calmed down.
Later that day, after being released from custody, he called friends, family, me & my children, plus he messaged our children too, to say he was off to kill himself as I had destroyed him.....he was the one that chose to leave us, he that turned nasty, he that refused to see the children!
The police were involved & found him (alive although ''in a bad place'') 2 days later. He didn''t return to the area for a week or so, and had no contact whatsoever with our children for the next 3 months - his choice.
It was only when I applied for a divorce & put in arrangements for the children, that he agreed to see them - he however made out (and still does) that it was me stopping him seeing them!
He has failed to turn up numerous times & he has continued to be very nasty to me (as have his family), and he has even been bad mouthing me to our youngest child too which upsets & confuses him.
Things got very nasty with him threatening all sorts regarding money from the sale of house, business etc (he pays no maintenance either), but he then suddenly calmed down a few weeks ago, after I sent a long letter to his solicitor, copying him in on numerous threatening emails from my ex.
We were then making great progress, or so I thought.....
We had agreed finances (a 50/50 split) & were waiting for the Decree Nisi
(due any day) so we could apply for a Financial Consent Order
He had also agreed to see our youngest more often, so we were arranging extra days in addition to alternate weekends & a first overnight stay took place only a few weeks ago.
The main problem is, although I do my hardest to try & do what''s best for our children, our eldest refuses to spend any time with his dad unless I''m there too, so he has only seen his dad a few times in the past year (my ex was very nasty to him when he left - my ex told him that he wouldn''t miss him).
Arrangements were for Sat & Sun, every other weekend, working towards overnight stays. However my ex changed this to Sun only as he said he was now busy on Sat! He has now said it is me that is restricting contact to only one day a fortnight.
Also, our youngest was terrified at the thought of staying overnight again - I know it may take some time to get used to it, but he refuses to stay over for now. He also wants me & not his dad to take him to football on Saturdays, and as there are only a few matches left this season, I told my ex this.
I of course am getting so much abuse & blame from my ex & his family now, making out I am being difficult, controlling the children & blocking contact.
My ex has even just informed me that he has put in a C100 to the court to ensure he has both the children fortnightly, Fri pm until Sun pm. He has said he has told the court I am blocking contact & being unreasonable.
I am very upset & very annoyed.
I have been the one trying so hard for the past year to get my ex to calm down & see our youngest, aswell as trying to get our eldest to see his dad. Councillors have also been involved with the boys too, to try and help them.
I can''t believe that after a year of hell, just when we seemed to be getting somewhere, that he goes & does this.
Our youngest wants to spend time with his dad, but doesn''t want to stay over night. Our eldest has only recently just starting to spend a few hours with his dad (with me there too).
I won''t force them into anything, but I have been regularly talking to them about being with their dad (to the point where they''re telling me to stop going on)!
My ex & his family keep accusing me of blocking contact, but I am not. In fact, it would be nice to have time off from being a mum 24/7.
I do have a lot of emails & texts to prove most things, but a lot was verbal.
I can''t afford solicitors anymore (I have used one for advice over the past year), so need some advice here please.
What should I expect & what should I do?