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  • NotGivingUpOrIn
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23 Apr 12 #325904 by NotGivingUpOrIn
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Found this site by accident by typing a random question into google, really didn''t expect to find something this good. I have spent the last few days just reading posts but felt I needed to register to get some help for me and my children. This might make heavy reading but here goes. Split with husband over 3 years ago, for me marriage was over long before I left. I found someone else first then he did shortly after. It has been a very tumultuous ride. We have a court order for access in place and it works well most of the time. He got the house in the Consent Order and Absolute granted. My partner and ex do not get on and my exes girlfriend is forever sticking her nose in. My ex thinks he can break the court order and has done several times but the biggest thing is that he thinks that he can just not have the children when its his time and says that I have to honour it but he doesnt. How am I fixed if I was to take this back to court or to get a penal notice attached to it or something like that.

  • rubytuesday
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23 Apr 12 #325908 by rubytuesday
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Welcome to Wikivorce.

Its true that you can not enforce the contact order with regard to him having the children, as you can''t force a parent to see their children if they don''t want to. However, you must make the children available for contact at the defined times in the order.

  • MissTish1
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23 Apr 12 #325915 by MissTish1
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RubyTuesday is right. You cannot force the non resident parent to have contact, but you do have to make the children available. It sucks to be honest, but unfortunately that''s the way it is. I don''t think you can attach penal notices to Contact Orders for the non-resident parent, but could be wrong. However, it''s unlikely to do any good if you can.

  • NotGivingUpOrIn
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23 Apr 12 #325924 by NotGivingUpOrIn
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How unfair is that? He took me to court to get this contact order and it''s all in his favour. So he can go for his weekend away with his bit on the side but I can''t plan my life.

  • Fiona
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23 Apr 12 #325939 by Fiona
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When was the order made? Since December 2008 all contact orders with a warning notice are served on both parties and both parties are expected to adhere to the terms of the order and can apply for enforcement. Enforcement measures are intended to be directed partly against contact parents who will not commit and comply with the contact orders as well as partly against parents with the majority of care.

In practice if there is evidence children are suffering emotional harm because of inconsistent and irregular contact the first line of enforcement would be persuasion and/or conditions or Directions can be attached to the contact order such as attending parenting classes.

An alternative would be to apply for a variation to the contact order to reflect the reality of take up. Penal notices etc aren''t necessary, the ultimate sanction is no order for contact.

However, the overriding concern is the welfare of children and generally reducing or ordering no contact doesn''t benefit children. If the order is broken from time to time or your ex is sometimes late collecting or returning the best thing is to make contingency plans and support the children as best you can.

  • Emma8485
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23 Apr 12 #325941 by Emma8485
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Hi I had similar issues with my ex although they do seem to have settled down now.

What I started doing was just making plans that I knew would potentially change if he didnt bother turning up. Mainly it was small stuff like he would be half an hr late dropping them back or he would be later collecting them than he should have.

the only time I got mad at him was when he led me to believe his footy team (who hes devoutly followed all his life) were playing away in a cup match and he had to halve his weekend with the girls and return them early. I discovered that actually it was his girlfriends family''s team and went ballistic at him - he hasnt done it since!

I think that it does depend on the kind of "breach" thats occuring - ie how many weekends or days has he not had them, is there a pattern, is it regular etc. If it is. then a strongly worded letter suggesting that the contact order is re visited may focus his mind?

  • NotGivingUpOrIn
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23 Apr 12 #325964 by NotGivingUpOrIn
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Court order is in place and has been for over two years, he is on time when he has to pick them up from me but is consistently late bringing them back and wonders why I get angry and upset. He has reneged on his responsibilities to them a few times and left me in the lurch, he never gives anything extra for uniforms/clubs/trips/holidays etc. It just seems every now and again he has to exert his control and show me who is in charge.

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