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Coming to terms and 2 months on - problems

  • Mark100
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24 Apr 12 #326162 by Mark100
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Hi All

As many of you know my Shared Residency application wasn''t granted and I have stuck to the contact order I got, trying to make it work.

I am having a lot of difficulties with ex and there are a number of things in the order that don''t seem to work in the interests of the children.

e.g. My son wants to go to watch the football as it''s something we used to do. If I can''t get tickets he likes to watch it wit me. Most games fall outside of my contact time.
We have watched the last 3 Champions League Finals together and this is outside of it as well.

For 8 years we have done this sort of thing and now it''s stopped.

He also has trials for a team soon. When ex changed the arrangements a few months ago he was all over the place and was dropped from his team. He''s trying hard to get back in and wants to stay with me before the trials (again not on my set days).

If ex won''t co-operate on these things and show some flexibility for the interests of the children should I go back to court, if so how?

She also arranges different wider family members to take my children to school when I used to do it (she is often out at work). This is clearly not in their best interests.

Some of you know me from my traumatic posts late last year and the build up to me hearing - I am hanging in there for my kids but it''s really hard now - not like it used to be.

Some people mentioned that my nights may well increase again over time and is there anybody here who thinks that will still really happen?

My son has settled back at school but is much naughtier at home for me now - i think he''s been really unsettled. Ex blames me for that but I explain I now see him less so can influence less.

Any advice would be really appreciated (can''t afford my solicitor any more!)

Mark x

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24 Apr 12 #326176 by Joe2020
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Mark from memory you have decent access,3/4 times a week?

If thats still the case then I wouldnt get too hung up about a Final.
Regards the trials,can''t your boy ask his mum if he can stay with you before the trials?

This will be a great test for her.If she says yes then she loves her son more than she hates you.
However we know what the answer will be don''t we.
Anyway give it a go or ask her yourself maybe.

Whats your situation now.Is there a hearing to follow?

If it makes you feel better I had a hearing yesterday and got no-where.Total waste of time and of course am fed up with the whole process as I''m sure you are.

Blame the system but don''t blame your ex because without such a bias system vindictive women like her wouldn''t get their own way.

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24 Apr 12 #326183 by Mark100
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Hi Joe

I am sorry your situation hasn''t improved. Yes - I see my children 4 times a week but they are only allowed to sleep one night. It seems so silly that they have to be returned to her to go to sleep and then I get them again the next night and so on.

He wants to be with me before his trials and practice with me, etc.

We will both ask for him to stay with me and she will say ''no''. My point is that things like this are clearly not in the children''s best interests or what they want.

What can I do to change it?
Should I be asking to go back to court or is it too soon?

I have had my ''hearing'' already. I never knew it was a final one until afterwards!

Mark

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24 Apr 12 #326198 by Joe2020
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I don;t know how you can go about changing it.

In my totally unqualified opinion I would say considering your kids ages,(8+11?)
considering you have them or see them 4 times per week,its a little odd you only get one night per week.

I would have thought you would at least by now have them alternate weekends Fri-Mon as part of a contact agreement by now with midweek contact the other week.

Not sure what is a final hearing because the older children get the more and more contact orders have to change.

Maybe that final hearing related to your initial application of a C100.
Maybe now you need to make a new application for a Shared Residency so the process starts again.

Who knows.

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25 Apr 12 #326597 by Mark100
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Hi All

Does anybody know what I should do when elements of the order are not working as per my examples above.

Also - If there are genuine concerns about something at my ex''s house with regards to my kids what should I do?
- In a nutshell something has happened to my son physically. He''s ok but scared of a family member there (man) and I find this unacceptable that a boy is scared in his own home. I want to protect him.

My ex was given ''Residency'' but she lives at her mum''s with other family and my kids. Is it likely I will get the Shared Residency in the future, on the basis this is just mine and their home and they want to be here?

Thanks again, Mark

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27 Apr 12 #326895 by Mark100
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Hi All

It seems much slower or quieter here than it was a few weeks ago. Maybe less of you are having problems at the moment. I hope so.

I am really worried about what''s going on with my children, especially my son. He is so much less happy than before and ex seems blind to it.

Football may seem like a little thing to some of you but when our troubles started and his nights were cut he got droped from his team. Since then he has practised 3 times a week and bless him worked hard. He is so determined to get back into the team and I have been to every session with him. He loves football and seeing him get more confident lately is great. His self esteem would go through the roof if he can get into the team again. When he plays he seems to switch off from everything and all of the problems at home and just seems like my happy little boy again.

His trials are on non contact days for me and he wants me to be with him, even stay on the Sat before the Sun sessions - like all previous trials he''s ever had. Kids like routine, security - yes?

I need to write a letter to her solicitor in the hope that at least this will highlight how silly ex is being and it''s damaging his chances. Can anybody give any advice?
I hope maybe by approaching her solicitor it will mean she''ll have to respond in some way as if this is looked at later and she''s ruined things for him it would surely go against her.

If ex goes through with this stupidity it will hurt him and should I, can I, etc, raise it with the courts again?

I didn''t get my points across well in court but surely a decent barrister could rip her to bits with this. It''s so wrong.

That point aside we have been invited to a family party on Sunday - their cousin''s birthday party - he''s 15. Ex isn''t allowing them to go ont he basis it''s not my contact day again.

My son has turned into an angry boy some of the time now and I think it''s frustration with the whole thing.

Nobody in her family will help. If I am to help them it has to be formally through the system. Please please send me a message if you can suggest anything?

The worry and feeling of not being able to help them and protect them is taking it''s toll on me as well.

Thank you in advance.

Mark

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28 Apr 12 #326926 by halfadad
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Mark,

I might be wrong, but I dont think court would care to be honest.

The bid massive disadvantage is court is that it removes flexibility. It becomes "your days and my days" You ex is not obliged to allow contact on her days.. Everywhere I read it says that basically if you have stuff arranged on non court ordered days tough.

Wrt the football cant you just turn up at the trials anyway?

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