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Coming to terms and 2 months on - problems

  • BoysMum
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28 Apr 12 #327015 by BoysMum
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Mark,

I think there are 2 issues here.

The first being, you have a Contact Order in place. Your son''s football matches,practice and trials are not on your days, and unless your ex agrees, you need to accept that you can not take, and or, watch him.

Is it fair on your son? No. But, you have an order, and however unfair it seems, that is the way it is.

The second issue, and one which is very important, is that your Son claims he is being hurt at home by a relative.

If my child had made such a claim, and I had no doubt in my mind, that it was a genuine claim, I would have telephoned the Police and reported an assault. Even more so, that it is alleged that it is not an isolated incident ( you said it has happened previously ) and the fact that Mum has told him not to mention it at school.

This, I find is a very serious issue, and not to be ignored. Personally, if I had been told this by a child of mine, i would have been straight onto the Police and reported it. Child abuse cannot, and should not, ever be ignored. I would have spoken to my solicitor about the alleged incident, but not until after I had reported it to the Police.

I think you ought to give this some serious thought Mark, and if you believe these incidents have happened, and your son is in danger, you must report it to the Police.

This is only my opinion, but is in all honesty, the way I would deal with it.

  • Mark100
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28 Apr 12 #327025 by Mark100
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Thank you.

I have sent you a message about the serious matter.

I have heard I can apply to court to vary the order and people told me that their nights with me should increase back again over time. Is this true?
The minutes from the court and references to the welfare checklist state that son loves going to football with his dad and they ahve taken this into account. The minutes stae that I will see him when he starts to play again on a Sunday but this is not part of the ''contact order'' points at the end. It''s obvious therefore what the court intended (he goes to his football with his dad) but he just wasn''t playing on Sundays at that point.

Do those minutes not make any difference?
If I sent a letter with the minutes and order to the court would it not start to expose how unreasonable she is and that she is not thinking of the children?

Thanks, Mark

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28 Apr 12 #327029 by BoysMum
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Mark,

I am not sure on the legalities, as I have never been in this situation.

I would question whether the staying contact will increase, as you say you have a Final Order. I was under the impression that the Final Order, is exactly that.

I would imagine that you will be unable to claim that your ex is being unreasonable, as she is fully complying with the Order.

I don''t know anything about applying for a variation of the order, but hopefully somebody else will be able to advise you.

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28 Apr 12 #327031 by Mark100
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I don''t even know if it''s a final order myself!
That''s what paying an expensive solicitor and barrister gets you!

Hopefully I''ll eventually find out if I can apply to vary the order if it''s not working. I go 2 days that are especialy hard for me - ex wanted me to have them for that reason!

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29 Apr 12 #327044 by DrDaddy
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Mark,

I agree with BoysMum, you need to take violent behaviour towards your son very seriously. This is your immediate priority, and it is your responsibility to follow through on it.

Ok, so you are not sure of your options now regarding football etc. It may be that you have to accept the situation, but why not go and speak to cafcass? What do you have to lose?

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29 Apr 12 #327047 by halfadad
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Mark,

My unerstanding is, that if you have no further review hearings, it is a final order.

You can still put in an application for a new order or to vary the exiting order though - however it normally is sensible to wait a period of time before doing this, to avoid you looking unreasonable!

However I think you need to stop focusing on the assumption that the court will care, or indeed on the fact that your ex is unreasonable over football.

She is complying with the current court order which is all she has to do.

My mate had a similar dilema to you with cricket. He played himself, son played, hed always taken son to cricket, they split, he wanted to continue, son (9) wanted him to continue, mum said she wanted the opportunity to be involved with cricket and that my mate was trying to "exclude her from a substantial interest of their sons life", judge went with that and he now has 2 teatimes in the week - one of which is cricket practice. The other cricket practice is on his mums night. (his other evening is karate!)

Tony

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29 Apr 12 #327051 by hawaythelads
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Why haven''t you got the kids living with you every other weekend?
You wan''t to get that sorted.
McDonalds Dads unpaid babysitting service hours are better than your access.
All this shared residence lark the minute you walk in court room packing a meat and two veg you''ve got no chance.
In a dictionary the definition of "best interests of the kids" what an ex misus says to do exactly what the feck she wants and to point score against the ex hubbie.
All the best
HRH xx

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