A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Coming to terms and 2 months on - problems

  • BoysMum
  • BoysMum's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326948 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum
Mark,

I agree with Halfadad. That is the disadvantage of an Order. They remove flexibility and can be cumbersome. As long as your ex is complying with the order, and you are having Contact on '' your days '', as ordered by the Court, there''s nothing you can do.

You get to see your kids 4 times a week, which is pretty good compared to a lot of NRP''s on here.

I appreciate this isn''t what you want to hear, but sadly this is the reality.

xx

  • stepper
  • stepper's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326953 by stepper
Reply from stepper
My son''s ex. e-mailed me recently to pass on to my son a request not to ask for any extra time or try to vary the shared residence order.

However, it didn''t stop her texting me to ask if she could have the boys a few hours earlier on my son''s day off so that she could take them out.

Rather than spoil things for the children, my son agreed.

I think if it happens again, my son will ask her to swop days.

  • Mark100
  • Mark100's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326989 by Mark100
Reply from Mark100
Can I not apply for a variation of the order?

Some good news - at his training today - he was asked to move into the main team for a tournament tomorrow.

- He asked if he could stay with me tonight to get prepared for it - she said no.
- She then declined me taking him to it - I have taken him to football twice or three times a week since Nov when he got dropped (probably linked to all this starting) but she won''t let me take him. He said ''why is mummy trying to ruin it?''

I have told him not to worry and that if I can''t take him I will be there.

- We have a daughter who does not want to go and my ex loves shopping and hates football. She could easily be with our daughter and the boys at the football but will probably go to the football and leave our daughter with another family member.

- Surely this is so wrong and if in front of a court they''d see that. My son wants to tell ''whoever it was mummy spoke to'' to get things back to normal.

I am 100% certain it''s making him unhappy and need to try something to help him.

I appreciate all of the responses here even though they are negative for me and my kids.

If it was just me I''d walk away but can''t leave them in this. I say that but it seems that I can''t help them anyway.

It''s horrendous.:(

  • stepper
  • stepper's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326995 by stepper
Reply from stepper
Cant say a lot Mark, but my son has been in a downward spiral regarding his boys for several months now. He has a case ongoing for 50/50 shared residence but it seems to get nowhere. I think the final hearing is in about six weeks time so at least we will all know where we stand.

His ex. has dug her heels in completely and will not budge an inch. She is constantly telling the boys that they are not allowed to spend any more time with their dad.

To be absolutely honest, I think it is all about child benefit and her child maintenance. She is far better paid than my son but that cuts no ice with her. Greed is the name of the game.

  • Mark100
  • Mark100's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326999 by Mark100
Reply from Mark100
I think we shared some messages when my case went through the courts. I really hope your son and his children are treat better or come out of it better than us.

I''ve gone from living with my kids 3/4 days a week and 75% of holidays to 1 day a week plus some time after school, only returning to hers (their grandmothers house) to sleep. I can''t even do all of the father/ son football things we''ve done since he was born.

I wish you all of the luck you can get.

Mark

  • Emma8485
  • Emma8485's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #327003 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
Hi Mark, I dont know if its possible, but if it really is upsetting your son, is there a third party who he could talk to such as a family friend or a teacher who would perhaps talk to mum?

If it starts to affect his behviour, development etc then there is the potential anyway for school to contact outside agencies in order to help.

I know Cafcass involvement isnt seen as a good thing in the main as it prolongs things, but I have to say in our case we were glad if the report we got at the end!

Big hug x

  • Mark100
  • Mark100's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #327010 by Mark100
Reply from Mark100
Thanks Emma.

His teacher is aware and is concerned but say they can''t get involved. The Headmaster suggested I get CAFCAS involved but the court case is over now and I don''t think I just ring them and ask them to re-look at this.

Even her own family know she does wrong to the children but are scared of her so won''t speak up for the worry of what it will mean for them.

I was encouraged to not be blackmailed by her, stand up to her, go to court, etc, and she got away with it anyway.

I am meeting my son''s teacher again on Wed so am going to ask them if they will help more if I try to get the authorities officially involved.

She also lives with her brother who hurt my son and my son told me (it''s happened before). I told his mum but she sided with her brother and actually told my son not to say anything at school. My solicitor said I could get Social Services involved but they would probably not be able to prove anything and the situation could get harder for them and me as a result. My experience of the process so far has not been good.

There is so much wrong here and I can''t see how I can protect them and stop it happening.

Thanks again for the support x

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11