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  • keadca
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27 Apr 12 #326905 by keadca
Topic started by keadca
Hi, was hoping someone could help with opinions or just help to get my head straight! Ex left me and our 3 children almost 2 years ago. Contact was irregular due to him having a breakdown. Contact was eventually agreed a year ago at every other weekend and the children would stay with him, his girlfriend and her children. The children never settled (they are now almost 3, 5 and 9)and there was always issues with lack of supervision and I stopped contact and suggested mediation last July when it emerged that he had piled 8 people into a 5 seater car with my children sitting on each others knees and went for a day out.

Since I stopped contact my ex tried to take me to court for contact but as he worked he could not get full legal help and could not afford to pay. I stopped receiving maintenance in December and it has since became clear that he walked out of his job and has now got a new solicitor on legal help and intends to take me to court.

My ex was calling to speak to the children once a week but stopped last year and has not contacted me to say why or ask to see the children other than on our 5 year old''s birthday a couple of months ago. I of course agreed to him visiting but have not heard anything from him since.

I am so anxious because I know he''s getting ready to take me to court again and am angry as he''s gone 6 months without contact (apart from an hour on my son''s birthday). He was even 1 mile down the road on xmas day and didn''t even ring them.

I know that I''m bitter as I''ve been left to pick up the pieces time and time again when he decided that he couldn''t/wouldn''t look after the children. Also because of my ex walking out of his job and not receiving maintenance, we are now facing repossession from the home that I have lived in for the last 10 years.

We are settled in our life and the children rarely mention their dad as he wasn''t a very nice person when he lived with us. I do understand that both parents should play a part in children''s lives but I''m worried about the impact on all of us.

So basically I''m wondering what right he has to not contact children for a prolonged amount of time then ''pop back up''. Does it make me a bad person to wish that he''d just go away??

Thanks for reading xxx

  • u6c00
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27 Apr 12 #326908 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00

I don''t know much about legality, so I won''t even try and offer my opinion. I have found that the legal system doesn''t always work according to conventional common sense, so my feelings would probably be wrong anyway!

Instead I would say that it doesn''t make you a bad person. Absolutely not. I have been dealing with a similar question myself recently. All children deserve two parents, but do they deserve a bad parent? I haven''t got an answer yet, probably never will.

I hope things work out for you, and most importantly for your children.

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