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Negotiating holidays?

  • Emma8485
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28 Apr 12 #326968 by Emma8485
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Hi all, well its been almost two weeks since my partner got his contact order, was thrilled to spend last weekend with his daughter, and she with him.

The query we have is this, the order stated half holdiays, and this is to be agreed between the parties as are the bank holidays. He put his ideas in writing to mum, and I was really proud of him as he kept it flexible, so for example, he wrote "Xmas and New Year we would have xxx with us for one week each. Although she spent last Xmas with you and I would like to have her for Xmas this year, I am happy for you to choose which week you would like this year and I will have the other and then we will alternate it next year".

He dropped this off to her on Wednesday and he thought he would allow about ten days to two weeks for her to answer. However then we heard - although it is on the "grapevine" that she was just going to ignore it, as if she didnt arrange the weeks then he would have to go back to court to get them.

As this is part of an order, is she not obliged to deal with him to make the arrangements? He has cc''d her solicitor as well to make sure its all above board, and is hoping she will reply. I guess after all the issues he had with her he is nervous that she wont sort out the holidays and going to court again to get them will mean more delays and possibly eat into the holiday time?

Any thoughts wise Wikis? :)

  • Mark100
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28 Apr 12 #326992 by Mark100
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Hi Emma

I have the same problem. It says half of all holidays to be agreed between us before the holidays. She basically told me what week I would have them for Easter. I have explained to her that I need to book time off in advance as I work and am in the process of doing a letter to her solicitor with all of the dates for the year and suggestions. They have already said that Bank Hols and Training Days from school sit outside the order so I can''t see my children then.

Is this something I should re-apply to the court for?

I have got a bit sidetracked and I apologise. I asked my ex if we could agree all of this between us and she said I must deal with her solicitor.

I think in your case you''ll get the time but ex will want to ''control'' when, which seems to be the same as mine.

I can see my situation deteriorating. All the court process has done has made things worse for my children. I often think if I left the country it would be better.

I am realy pleased for you that things seem a bit better and I think your situation will settle down.

  • Emma8485
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28 Apr 12 #327004 by Emma8485
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Hi Mark Ive posted on your other thread as well to give you some support.

I think in our case, it sounds like wimping out,but we agreed to her choosing the weeks he has only because he hasnt seen her at all for six months, and also because then if she stops contact again, he has the letter as proof that he couldnt possibly have been more reasonable!

  • khan72
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28 Apr 12 #327006 by khan72
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If only they made it simple for judges to switch residence if a parent is being difficult. It would stop cases like this dead in its tracks and free up court time for serious and genuine cases.
Take away the weapon and there is no war :D

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28 Apr 12 #327009 by Mark100
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Emma

Your situation is improving - letting her choose the weeks and getting them is better than none!

Thanks, Mark x

  • Emma8485
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01 May 12 #327570 by Emma8485
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Thanks Mark - it would be improving except the first bank holiday is this weekend, he has offered it to her for a number of reasons, mainly to show flexibility and because he would like the two together on June Jubilee weekend but so far there has been no response whatsoever....

He has decided if she doesnt reply by Wednesday he will send her a text pointing out that the court expect them to sort the dates between them and as far as he is concerned any refusal to do this is a breach of the order, in the hope that will prompt her to actually agree some dates!

x

  • C. J.
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01 May 12 #327624 by C. J.
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Hi Emma,

I hate that line placed in Orders "[additional] contact to be agreed between both parties". What is basically means is that if the main carer, which in most cases is mum says no then your stumpted! My fiance''s ex text him a little while back basically reminding him of this fact. The annoying thing is that mum will only rarely, if at all, have to ask the father''s permission to see her own children on his parenting time.

You and your partner have done exactly what we would have done in your situation. You have given her ample time to respond. In our case my fiance has sent the ex a text just prompting her to acknowledge the letter in the first instance and asking her when she is likely to respond.

Does your partner have a solicitor or is he LIP?

At the last court hearing my fiance and his ex got together and agreed dates in the waiting room up until December but this is only beceause she was forced into it. However, despite the ex having spent the past 3 Christmas'' with the children and my fiance having them on Boxing Day last year he only thought it fair that they alternated this year and he has them on Christmas day returning them to her at 9.30am on Boxing Day so she can then have that day with the children. As she wouldn''t agree to this (she''s not a fan of sharing on a good day!) my fiance wrote a letter to the judge asking for the December hearing to be bought forward to about October time in order that the issue over alternating special events can be discussed and sorted in plenty of time. A copy of this letter was also sent to the ex for her information.

She then called my fiance on Sunday saying she was shocked about the letter as she is still open to compromise on the matter and that my fiance shouldn''t ''keep running to the judge every 5 mins''. Despite my fiance reiterating to her that she''s had the past 3 years with the children you could tell that despite being ''open to compromise'' she still wasn''t happy and not prepared to budge. My fiance said that he doesn''t believe it is an unreasonable request so therefore if she''s not prepared to share these special times he doesn''t really have an option but to ask the judge for Directions on the matter. I think she was more annoyed that the letter didn''t really paint her in a good light plus she hates not being in control of the situation and my fiance being pro-active on matters.

The reason for me telling you this is because the judge told my fiance that if he has any problems with the contact between now and the next hearing he can write or call the court to arrange an urgent directions hearing. When my fiance appealed a hearing last year and there was lots of trouble going on at that time he wrote to the judge asking for directions on the matter, to which the judge then wrote back.

Maybe if she is not willing to communicate you should write a letter to the judge asking for directions on how to proceed because you have tried all avenues and you can''t get the ex to agree on future dates. Attach all the letters that you have sent to date also mentioning any texts etc. and also send a copy to the ex. Seeing a letter to the judge may jolt her into responding.

Sorry this post is so longwinded!:laugh:

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