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Have I made the right decision?

  • EGGBOX
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05 May 12 #328536 by EGGBOX
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  • happyagain
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05 May 12 #328537 by happyagain
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It sounds to me by your title that you already know you might have made a wrong decision. It''s natural, a knee-jerk reaction, we''ve all had them.
But now you need to put things right. Be strong and do the right thing.
But in response to rugby, parents do have rights. Until your children are adults both parents have equal rights to make decisions concerning their children''s welfare, unless a court removes that right from them.
Good luck.

  • rugby333
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05 May 12 #328545 by rugby333
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Just briefly exploring that concept of parents having rights: technically speaking that is not correct. Parents whether divorced or otherwise have responsibilities. However in married families this is hardly ever questioned, so the parents decide on schools, holidays, friends etc. This is misinterpreted as their ''right'': it is not. It is their responsibility and in most cases and in most families they muddle along and their is no need for state intervention.

The question of rights only ever rears its ugly head in divorce.At that point, if there is conflict between the parents, the court is the only authority with a right to decide on issues. Both parents may put a view to the court, but neither has the unilateral right to decide.

Where this is relevant to contact, is that the court has little choice but to go with the RP''s decision because orders won''t be enforced. So, if happyagain decided to put limitations and conditions on her ex husbands contact, she would undoubtedly win. Indeed with the threat of explicit sexual pictures, CAFCASS would be drawn in any the whole thing would spiral out of all proportion should it ever go to court.

If that happened it is absolutely guaranteed every member of happyagain''s family would be losers.

To that extent her ex husband is correct to cede control to happyagain rather than fight, but happyagain would be unwise to exercise that control.

  • hawaythelads
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05 May 12 #328553 by hawaythelads
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In all honesty I doubt the kids are that bothered about going round There. My kids have come round my flat every other weekend for 6 years now they are now approaching13 and 15 so only 12 and 14 still.
They spend all their time out with friends.so much so that I''ve had to say to the ex harridan now look every other weekend I''m spending all day on my own while they have to get a bus back 3 miles to hang around with their mates all day let''s cut it down to one weekend a month.
Can''t he just by the kids a lap top?
Just saying teenage kids in married families ain''t hanging around mum and dad 24 7 anyway.
The younger daughters been nosey and actively sought out these pics and as we all know most kids are far more able on a pc than parents.
Really if this had been old school pre pcs and the kids had found an album of polaroids of her in the nude in a cupboard what would you do?
I mean we all seem to accept x factor judges being on the Internet sucking on a walls''s banger like it''s a mc Donalds milkshake and put that all over the main tabloids for a week.
I''d just tell him look you fecking retard get rid of the pictures off the pc if your that computer illiterate I''m sure your girlfriend must currently have learnt how to do it in her IT gcse class.
All the best
HRH xx

  • NewHorizons
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05 May 12 #328557 by NewHorizons
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Or perhaps he could do a seperate user account on the laptops for them to use, and have a password for his personal account.

I know my lot will go on my computer, and while there is nothing there to shock them, I''d rather not have rubbish saved into my bit.

I do believe too that your children are old enough to not be nosey, and not to forward stuff on to you again. They''re probably (going by my lot) more than able to help their Dad set up a serparate user account?

This is from a Mum who has children who would love to be able to see their Dad.

Perhaps get in touch and ask him if he can sort it so you''re satisfied that the children won''t be exposed to things too personal in his life.

  • happyagain
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05 May 12 #328565 by happyagain
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Rugby, it seems rather pedantic that you have chosen another poster''s thread to argue the difference between rights and responsibilities. Whether you twist the legal jargon or not, parents have rights over their children. However, you have completely misread my comments. I have not once ever restricted my ex''s contact with our children, not even after he told me he wished our son had never been conceived. I continue to involve him in every decision that is his parental right, such as choice of schools and medical information. It is my 2nd, and current, husband''s ex wife who has behaved in such a way to dictate contact for the 1st 2 years after separating. And yes, everybody has lost out as a result of her actions.

  • sillywoman
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05 May 12 #328567 by sillywoman
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Mmmmm Wonder how dad would feel and react if daughters sent him pics of mums new partner in sexually explicit photos who was 18 years younger.

Just a thought.

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