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Have I made the right decision?

  • EGGBOX
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05 May 12 #328568 by EGGBOX
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  • sillywoman
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05 May 12 #328572 by sillywoman
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As parents we have a responsibiity for our children. My ex caught his mum in bed with her boss when he was 14. He actually had skived off school, heard a key in the lock and hid under his parents double bed. They lived in a bungalow. His mother proceeded to come into the room with her boss and had a rampant sex session which my ex heard every word and then left the house.

Counsellors believe that affected him for life. He kept it secret from his mum and dad until he was in his forties.

I dont believe that children should be party to what their parents do in their private time.

Your 13 year old daughter will probably be very disturbed by these pictures.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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05 May 12 #328583 by MrsMathsisfun
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SW.

The child wasn''t subjected to anything, she went looking at files on a laptop and found some inappropriate pictures.

Yes the father should have made sure the pictures couldnt be accessed by the children, but equally at 13 and 17 the children should have know not to forward them to mum because it was inappropriate and would be upsetting.

The OP reaction was understandable but over the top.

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05 May 12 #328592 by sillywoman
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The father should not have left the laptop accessible for the child. Carelessness the first time, but the second?

A bit like my ex husband used to leave evidence of well I don''t want to go into it (by the side of the bed)! Our two you picked it up once. Yuk yuk yuk. Careless, yes, first time, no excuse thereafter.

We have a responnsbility as parents to "protect" our children as much as we are able to adult things.

This father did not do this.

  • Fiona
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05 May 12 #328600 by Fiona
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The bottom line is from a legal POV both parents have equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities and it isn''t the right of one parent alone to unilaterally decide living/ contact arrangements. If parents cannot agree either parent may apply to court to regulate PR and a judge will decide if there is a child protection issue.

In a cases like this any harm or risk of harm children may suffer from the behaviour of one parent is weighed against the harm they suffer when one parent is cut out of their lives and it''s unlikely a judge would decide no contact was in the interests of children. 17 would be deemed old enough for children to make their own decisions and a 13 year olds views would carry considerable weight.

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05 May 12 #328604 by sillywoman
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However, I expect social services would not be pleased to know that a 13 year old daughter saw photos of a sexually explicit nature because the father of the child did not ensure they were not available to be seen A SECOND TIME!

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05 May 12 #328621 by Fiona
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The legal threshold for social services and authorities involvement is significant harm. The Children Act 1989 states that abuse or neglect should be considered to have happened when someone''s actions have caused a child to suffer significant harm to their health or development. All parents upset their children sometimes but only if this is severe or if it this happens often, does it become a child protection issue.

Social service assessments also balance any harm against the strengths of maintaining a relationship with a parent. Social workers may investigate and make recommendations, but ultimately decisions relating to PR are made by the courts. Rather than stopping contact it would be more constructive to think about what measures could be put in place through negotiation, mediation or family counselling.

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