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Should you send presents when not having contact?

  • Jenna29
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05 May 12 #328559 by Jenna29
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My partner is currently trying to sort out contact with his children whom he hasn''t seen for two months now. His most recent letter from his wifes solicitor has said that he must go to court if he wishes to resolve things. It comments that he didn''t send the children Easter presents and that the mother had to buy some eggs and pretend they were from him so they didn''t get upset (!) Never mind the fact that he suspects they have moved house and school and he doesn''t know where, making it impossible to send any, even if he had then she wouldn''t have told the children that they were from him. It is their birthday this month, should he send presents to them (to a family members address) even though they will probably never know that they are from him/not receive them at all or should he do as he has done before and saved presents from missed occasions for when he does see them?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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05 May 12 #328569 by MrsMathsisfun
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If he sent a card do you think his ex will allow the child to receive them?

I was wondering if the best approach is just send a card with a note inside saying that daddy has their presents waiting for them written into the card so it cant be ''lost''

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05 May 12 #328578 by Jenna29
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No she wouldn''t let them see it. The children are under 5 so can''t read which doesn''t help.

  • fairylandtime
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05 May 12 #328580 by fairylandtime
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If your partner needs to responde he could just say that all presents are being kept by him due to not knowing add / awaiting contact.

She is just having a grip, if he had sent them she would have prob complained that it was chocolate & bad for them, not giving them anyway

JJ

  • mumtoboys
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05 May 12 #328584 by mumtoboys
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Jenna - he needs to buy two cards, exactly the same. Each card write in the same message and send one to his own address (so it is dated with a postmark over the stamp) and one to the last known address. Should this go on for some time, he has a dated record of how he attempted to make contact each and every birthday/Xmas/Easter/Father''s Day...when the card arrives at his address, all he needs to do is find a ''keepsake'' box and start a collection. Very sad that it should come to something like that but at least it will show he was thinking of them at the ''right'' times.

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05 May 12 #328587 by Jenna29
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I have suggested he do that, perhaps with letters inbetween too so he can prove he never forgot about them as she will claim. Of course she will say he never sent a copy to her though.

  • mumtoboys
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05 May 12 #328594 by mumtoboys
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yes, she can say that. He can e-mail, rather than write, however, which is more definitive. I think he has to do something and if he''s pretty sure that any cards or presents are not going to get through, then sending a copy to himself is the only solution I can see. Given time, the children will be able to weigh up the probability of what dad is saying vs. what mum is saying being the correct version of events. If he does nothing, mum wins. If he does something, he stands a fighting chance.

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