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  • it can only get better
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09 May 12 #329359 by it can only get better
Topic started by it can only get better
Right, stxb moved out on monday, I have seen him more now then ever, ( or in the last 3 years), he turns up at 7.30am to take oldest to school bus, arrive at 6.30pm last night to take oldest swimmimg, ( should have been 7pm) back again this morning, had breakfast, is there anything i can do, it feels like he has the best of both worlds, ( says he is staying at his Mum''s) I have aggreed to access every other weekend, do i have to put up with this until the FH is sold, I hope not because that''s a long way off, anyone got any ideas,

please be postive not a good day today.

  • rubytuesday
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09 May 12 #329360 by rubytuesday
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Or another way to look at it is that he is making a concerted effort to be involved in the children''s daily lives, this will benefit the children, and relieves you of the stresses of doing it all on your own.

Every other weekend alone isn''t really enough time for children and Dad to enjoy a proper relationship, and contact in-between those weekends is important. Otherwise the children have to go two weeks without seeing their father - that''s quite a long time.

I can understand that you are finding it difficult seeing your x2b eating breakfast in what you deem is your home, and as he only moved out on Monday, this is still very early days for you all. There will be a lot of adjusting and juggling to come in the coming weeks/months before you all find a routine that everyone is happy and comfortable with.

As co-parents, you will have to develop a relationship with your x2b as there will be many occasions where you have to see each other due to having children together - this does get much easier over time.

Some parents do manage with an ad-hoc basis for children and parenting time, others prefer a more rigid routine with little flexibility. its about finding out what works for you all, and that will probably mean trying a few different scenarios until you find one that works for you, him and the children.

He doesn''t really have the best of both worlds as he no longer lives with his children, and probably him and they miss each other. He could also be scared of not being able to spend as much time with them as he and they would like, so is letting them know he is still there for them.

  • C. J.
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09 May 12 #329375 by C. J.
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All I ask is that you put the shoe on the other foot...

you have to move out and live with your parents/friends or even find accommodation of your own to rent whilst your ex stays in family home with the children. You go to seeing your children every fortnight and when you do turn up at the family home for stolen moments with your children i.e. to take them to school or to participate in the children''s curricular activities, your ex shows his displeasure at you being around.

  • it can only get better
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09 May 12 #329380 by it can only get better
Reply from it can only get better
thanks for your replys, I do feel that if he was a hands on dad, for the last 13 years then i would feel differant, but he has not done anything, no parents evenings no days out and usually works away dueing school hoildays, he leaves work and goes to the pub, when he told my son he was leaving he said ''mum what diffenace will it make to us!!!,

My girls said I don''t want to go to Nannys mum with dad,and yes I said they had to go, the kids are founding to hard they have never spent so much time with thier dad, and he should have throught about this when he was getting his pants off!!!!.

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09 May 12 #329398 by Fiona
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Whatever the reason for the relationship breaking down parents are leaving each other and not the children. There is no harm in a parent becoming more involved with their children, better late than never. It''s important to separate the practicalities from the emotions, using a counsellor if necessary.

Most separated parents struggle with contact at least initially, and very often if they keep their cool arrangements sort themselves out over time. Good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least against each other. A mediator can help resolve problems in ways that can work for everyone concerned and may help you establish some boundaries.

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