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Will contact resume? Advice please

  • Sweetpea9
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14 May 12 #330530 by Sweetpea9
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Hi
Background child 9 had contact with ex once a fortnight via court order for last couple of years. Child suffers anxieties/fears with past history of domestic abusive household. Contact has often been difficult and ex will not acknowledging any of the anxiety despite Camhs intervention etc. I have attempted to raise anxiety issues several times when things get to much but ex ignores. Anxieties got so extreme contact broke down 4 months ago. Child won''t resume contact until many issues dealt with, although misses ex and contact offered but just refuses and I''m just not dragging child there. Ex states I am stopping contact and doesn''t accept child''s decision. I found a mediator that could assist with addressing issues and have made three attempts to get ex to participate but refuses. Nothing''s moved forward re contact. Ex has now made his own contact with Camhs etc for proof there has been intervention ( I would have been more than happy to provide documents if ex had asked). I can only assume this has been done as ex doesn''t accept what I''m saying. Ex also made contact with school (again I could have provided evidence of support currently being given). In all of this nothing seems to have been done in any hurry and certainly isn''t resolving issues or moving things forward. Having said that the break in contact has shown improvements with anxiety issues and the last few weeks child has moved forward with a couple of fears, facing one 5 times in last couple of weeks :-)and even managed a night away from me which hasn''t happened in approx two years. I expect ex will apply to court again as my sols has said there is no other option. Obviously court will result in further delays and I don''t feel the delays are going to assist the problem and possibly make resuming contact even harder. I feel I''m out of suggestions and I feel sad and angry with lack of co-operation from ex. Any advice would be great.

  • Fiona
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15 May 12 #330548 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
When children are found to be traumatised, suffer anxiety or show symptoms of post traumatic stress because of past experiences of parent''s behaviour it''s unlikely that any direct contact will be granted until the parent undergoes parenting cases, a programme for DV perpetrators or anger management and changes their behaviour. Also children may need to undergo psychological treatment before any consideration of further contact.

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15 May 12 #330747 by Sweetpea9
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Many thanks for your reply Fiona. This was dealt with when the matter was in court in the past. Ex denied everything and although there was initially some hope, ex eventually refused to attend any programmes yet still got limited contact. Following this Child had intervention and after latest incident is now having some more with school before considering re-referring to Camhs. The anxieties have never gone away we have just tried to manage until a particular incident which raised it so high child as refused to go. I had hoped the form of mediation I had suggested may have assisted with getting ex to acknowledge issues/anxieties and moving with child to assist but as I said ex has refused to even consider. I assume ex will now apply to court again so awaiting notification. If this happens would it be better to now push for attendances on something and is there any hope of this happening as ex refused last time and eventually didn''t get made to do it. I feel unless ex starts to acknowledge problems and anxieties and changes behaviour we will never get anywhere and our child will never move forward or overcome them. My worry is of the court just forcing contact to resume without dealing with things as managing things as we have done is just not working for child anymore.

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