From settlement to access

Soz but this might be long. I split up with my husband 2 years ago after trying to support and help him with a drink problem enough was enough. I let him continue to see our son every Wednesday and Saturday for a couple of hours. Was nervous of course because of his drinking but thought it is his dad at the end of the day. After a few months he stopped asking for Wednesdays but continued to have him on a Sat. I filed for divorce straight away. After 6 months i met someone who was great and started dating. My husband found out and stopped seeing our son, threatened my new partner and started to stalk my house. He would demand to see his son again after about 6 weeks of no maintenance or contact, i would agree because i wanted my son to have a relationship with his dad. Then he gave up drink and decided he was getting fit and started going to the gym and taking steroids. He continued to harrass myself and my partner and started telling our son (who is now 4) that he was going to smash my partners face in and kick his dogs head in (my son loves animals and tells me on several occassions that the dog is his best friend and he loves him) so of course he found this upsetting. His dad would drop him off and he would start shouting im a *****, couldnt wait to pull my knickers down and swear at me in front of my son. I tried talking to him on several occassions when our son was not around about my son but he would just twist it about me having a new partner and blame everything on me. He wouldnt acknowledge the divorce papers i had to pay for them to be delivered by bailiff. I finally got the divorce end of last year. He has continued to harrass and abuse and it started affecting my sons behaviour, my son became very angry, sad, withdrawn. I tried telling my ex what he was doing to which of course i got abuse and told it was my fault. My partner had to file a harrassment case as it was getting too much for us. About 2 months ago i decided that my sons behaviour was getting that bad and his dad continued to abuse me in front of him that i stopped contact. He has been to court got community service and a restraining order. He has been in and out of work the past 2 years, i have paid all house bills/mortgage by myself for the past 2 years and a year ago he completely stopped paying child maintenance. We agreed a settlement offer and i was waiting for approval of further legal aid which has taken 6 months to be told i have not got it. I have changed solicitors because my old one is rubbish. My new one has written to make sure settlement offer is still agreed before putting together the Consent Order and he is now ignoring correspondance. I have just received a letter from a solicitor regarding access to our son. I do not feel happy about this at all as several people have commented on my sons behavour change and how much happier and calmer he is now. I have been given 2 weeks to answer or it goes to mediator (i will be honest, i did ignore the first letter thinking it was just procedure after the court case). In the meantime he is still ignoring my settlement letters. And i think hes not in a rush to get the money as he is not working, living with his mum and on legal aid. While if im honest, im struggling - to have a little bit of a life, working full time, bringing up a 4 year old and im struggling with money, im just very lucky to have a brilliant family who are helping me when i need it. I have come to hate my village as its not big enough for the 2 of us. I feel like its dragging on and on, nothings getting sorted, hes getting everything he wants while im struggling like mad. I cant afford to go to court about access or house, but dont see why he should get whatever he wants just because hes making things difficult. I never ever wanted to stop access between son and dad, but the changes in him now cannot be ignored. So if anyones got any advice i would be extremely grateful as its now making me feel so stressed and anxious all i want to do is run away.

Hi Charlie & welcome to wiki!

Wow

I think maybe you should look into neutral territory for child contact the flash point seems to be between you and your ex .........

mediation is a good idea - it should give you both the time to express what you feel is best for your son.

Is there anyone neutral who your son can talk to about the previous upsets?

Take care

WR