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  • somuch2know2
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16 May 12 #331017 by somuch2know2
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I thought everything was going well.
I put both kids on the form because they were under 17 but knowing my middle child wouldn''t want to come, and never intending on forcing her. I didn''t want her to feel unloved or unwanted so added her.

Papers served- access granted to youngest.

I came home today to find my wires expensive solicitors letter (I am self-repping, she is going full barrel) It contained a letter from her councillor from a session I attended.

I was nervous as I hadn''t spoken to my daughter about the divorce or the affair- it had been my wife who had been all too happy to fill her and the other kids in. She said she wanted to ask me some questions. They were hard ones, but I chose to tell the truth.

I told her how I never intended to be a father at 23 and how I had never loved her mum, but thought it was the right thing. I told her how I had tried to leave before and that I had an affair I was unhappy. These were all answers to very direct questions, It wasn''t easy to say but my wife at painted this picture of the perfect marriage that was destroyed by the OW. At 13 she is young but I wasn''t going to lie to her.

The letter from the councillor reads as if I was mocking my daughter as I had a nervous grin on my face the whole time and states that I severely upset her. She told my wife about our session and I had thought it was between us.

The letter will be presented and I will have a barrister and a lawyer trying to prove Im not fit to see my own children. I now question why I ever bothered going to that session, or what its real purpose was if not to have open honest conversations. My wife refused mediation several times and I feel like its all of them against me.

Any advice?

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17 May 12 #331039 by sillywoman
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I know you only wanted to be honest, but it was very hurtful telling your daughter you never loved her mum. You should have kept that to yourself.

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17 May 12 #331046 by somuch2know2
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I had no idea what to expect. The councillor did not speak to me beforehand and my daughter said she had loads of questions to ask me. I have always been told to be honest in these situations. There was no way of explaining my relationship and how it came to be without telling her everything.

I only found out through the letter the upset it caused as follow up was given to my wife, and not me. I feel as if I was set up to fail. I obviously care about my kids and my daughter or I wouldn''t have gone to that session with her. My wife had always refused mediation.

Anyway as said before, I''m self - repping. Advice?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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17 May 12 #331185 by MrsMathsisfun
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If they bring up the counselling explain exactly what happened.

State that you thought that honestly was the best policy, but maybe, some of the things stated in hight-sight wasnt appropriate.

State that you thought the counselling was confidential and that you would have more sessions to rebuild your relationship.

State that you would love contact with your daughter and thats why you included her but your aware that damage has been done, that it will take time to rebuild and that you are happy for contact to take place with reference to her wishes.

Good luck

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17 May 12 #331207 by somuch2know2
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Cafcas called today and I explained the councilling episode as well as a few other allegations my wife threw out. Some of which were so long ago I couldn''t remember all details but basically my middle daughter was texting and being rude. She wanted her pocket money and I said she could have it when she came over/ she said she didn''t want to see me and only wanted the money. She then started cursing about my gf saying she never wanted to meet her and how she was ugly etc. ow text as herself and said that I loved her - my daughter-very much and she -ow-would never stand in the way of our relationship. My daughter responded with more cursing saying how ugly she was and that she wanted to kill her. Several texts later and ow wrote back saying she was sorry to hear that but that she had just spent her pocket money on cosmetics to fix her ugliness. I can''t believe this is being brought up as reason to stop me from seeing my own kids. Also I''m not trying to force the middle child, but I didn''t want to leave her off as I didn''t want her to feel unloved. I wish I could write my responses as I get nervous and muddle stuff. I know words will come out wrong in FDR

  • hadenoughnow
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17 May 12 #331213 by hadenoughnow
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Poor child :(. She is a teenager with all that entails. Her world, as she knew it, has fallen apart. She is living with a mother who may well not be in a condition to give her all the love and support she needs, she is scared about the future ... and she is, quite understandably lashing out.

You seem to be expecting her to behave like a grown up and be understanding about the situation. Maybe one day, when she IS an adult, she will have a different perspective. But right now she is a child and she is hurting badly. It may come across as selfishness, rudeness and general unreasonableness but that is teenagers for you ...It is hellish at the best of times and she has more than most her age to cope with right now.

YOU are the adult in this situation. You need to act like one.

Hadenoughnow

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17 May 12 #331216 by somuch2know2
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I''m curious to how you suggest handling a situation where the mother was more than happy to give them the whole truth about the affair but not our own relationship? No one told me what to expect or how to handle the session. My daughter asked for the truth around questions that stemmed from things my wife had told her. The only solution would have been not to go.

Yes she is hurting, but not speaking to me and not seeing me is not going to make that anger go away. I''m also very upset that her councillor never had the professionalism to contact me in regards to the session. I left thinking we made headway. I left thinking now that it''s all in the open and she has answers we can move on

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