A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Jobs and relocation

  • Gastromum
  • Gastromum's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
17 May 12 #331266 by Gastromum
Topic started by Gastromum
I think I know what the general consensus to this will be but I''m throwing it out there on the off chance that I have overlooked or maybe skewed a perspective.

HEADLINE FACTS

we divorced for many complex reasons but one of the more significant ones was the stress caused by my ex''s inability to live within his means.
He earns a top whack salary as a Partner in a top management consultancy.
The divorce went as well as these things can do and I received a fair settlement that represents about 35% of his pretax earnings, and was awarded the house which I bought anyway, though it was in joint names.
I received a Segal settlement as I had given up a consideerable career in order to relocate at his behest and be a full time mum.
The kids are in Private education and of the 35% quoted an element (£12k pa) was awarded as a school fees order.
Currently the school fees for 2 children are £18k and by yr 8 that will be 24k combined.
My ex and I are in amicable agreement that the kids should continue in Private education though he is unable/unwilling to pay any more than he already is. Private education for yrs9+ is quite average at £30k per child per annum.

Since the divorce I started my own business as there is very little call for the line of work I did in the Welsh Marches. However this business is unlikely to make sufficient profit to fund 48k per annum to make up the difference in fees.

So I''ve started to look for a ''proper job''. After 8/9 years being out of the picture this is not easy so I''ve been firing off my cv with gay abandon.

One recipient was in Qatar. Principally because my ex goes out there about once a month if not more and the prospect of being able to build up 3 years worth of tax free usd 6k per month, have schooling and housing paid for seemed too good to be true. It would finance the school fees, get my career on track and be a life experience. It was one of those, ''they''ll never get back to me, but heh, give it a go'' moments.

Sods law, they''re only bloody interested in taking things further.

Currently the ex sees the children alternate Sat/sun''s and comes here''s to see them on a mid week evening for a couple of hours. He''s a good dad with a big job and this is his choice of arrangement.

Supposing I got the job and offered to him that the kids would live with me and he could spend whatever time he wanted with them when he was out there and have them come to stay with him for half of the school holidays would I be being reasonable?

I am sure he would be gutted, but if he is not going to contribute sufficiently to even half if the fees I have to. The only alternative is I sell the house, release the equity and rent for the rest of my life thereby foregoing any financial security I might have, or laughably, find a sugar daddy to live off, which is not my style.

I understand there is no right answer and this might be very emotive, especially for dads but it is a real situation. I have hypothetically discussed whether the children would want to live with Daddy and they do not.

  • DrDaddy
  • DrDaddy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 May 12 #331291 by DrDaddy
Reply from DrDaddy
Well, if you are both happy with that arrangement, then it is fine. Really, you need to be talking to your ex about this.

I must point out that it is very possible to get an excellent education in the UK for free. Moving to Qatar in order to fund private education does seem, on the face of it, a bit "over he top". Let me put it another way - what is more important for your children: their parents or their school?

  • Gastromum
  • Gastromum's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
17 May 12 #331302 by Gastromum
Reply from Gastromum
All good points, thank you. And yes I should be talking to my ex and will do but want to get it straight in my head first and solicit other view points to ensure that I am not being subjective. As to the whole private vs. state argument, that is not the question here he and I are totally united for lots of reasons, principally the individual needs of our children plus other statistically founded evidence results based data that, for our family, this form of education is the best thing. He just doesn''t want to pay. And here in lies one of the very many underlying reasons we are now divorced.

The point I am trying to get clear in my head is the question of reasonableness.
As we are agreed on a private education,
As he can''t / doesn''t believe he should pay for it
As I can''t currently afford it
As I have an opportunity to be able to finance it
As I am currently in the process of exhausting opportunities to finance it locally and so far not getting much joy
As there is an opportunity to do so albeit oversees
..... AM I BEING REASONABLE TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS AS AN OPTION.

  • DrDaddy
  • DrDaddy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 May 12 #331304 by DrDaddy
Reply from DrDaddy
Honestly, I don''t think that you are being reasonable to consider this unilaterally. This is a decision that you should be considering together, if you can.

You say that you agree on private education.
Therefore you should be agreeing on how you fund/organise it, I guess? You say he doesn''t want to pay.... so therefore are you really in agreement at all?

  • Gastromum
  • Gastromum's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
18 May 12 #331305 by Gastromum
Reply from Gastromum
Yes we are in agreement, though sadly this is a trait of his that has got us where we are, he wants it all full stop. He wants it for him. Ultimately selfish and greedy. Buys the kids all the gizmos and toys ( because ultimately, he likes the process of choosing, shopping, buying and having) but as I found to my cost, his priorities are very wide of the mark. Eg told to skrimp on the household budget for food shopping because he ''needed'' new alloys.

  • hawaythelads
  • hawaythelads's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
18 May 12 #331313 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
I suppose with the amount of money you will be earning in Qatar.
He can cut back significantly on the money he gives you each month.So he might go for it.
Ooohhh There''s the $64000 question are you gonna move the kids half way round the world away from him earning a massive salary and still be expecting to pocket the same free dough each month off him?

  • Mitchum
  • Mitchum's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
18 May 12 #331315 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
Think very seriously about this move, the children''s education apart. It''s a HUGE culture change. I have worked there.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11